The Look On Her Face

I am a feminist, but I'm not particularly shouty about it. I don't think anyone who knows me would say "Ah, well, she's always going off about something to do with women being oppressed, but just try to ignore it and eventually she'll start talking about Farscape or Buffy again and we can all relax."

So if I'm going to take a stand, shouldn't it be for something a bit more important? I considered that, and in fact I have tried to shake it off, but it continues to bother me. I just can't fathom the benefit of producing and distributing an item that allows young men to say "I know you were about to make fun of me because my girlfriend is a bitch, so I'll cut you off and make the joke myself to avoid humiliation and score some points with my wit."

Isn't that what people are saying when they use the "My other car is..." sticker? "It would be embarassing if you thought I thought this car was any good, so I'll signal that I know it's a mess and also make you laugh so I look cool."

So yes, let's make a shirt that says this. Let's encourage young men to devalue the women with whom they choose to have relationships.

The soundtrack to this shirt is obviously "Why Don't You Get a Job?" by Offspring, which opens with some of the most corrosive lyrics I've ever heard:

My friend's got a girlfriend / Man he hates that bitch...

This (and the rest of the song) stand in marked contrast to "Self Esteem" from Offspring's first album, with lyrics that portray an extremely complicated and realistic view of a relationship in which a man keeps going back to a woman who treats him poorly. In "Self Esteem," it is clearly signaled that the narrator has the power to make different choices and fails to do so on a regular basis, and therein lies the source of his suffering. (Note: we're not talking about physical or emotional abuse situations here, that's another story.)

I once heard an opinion that the lyrics to "Why Don't You Get A Job?" weren't problematic, because the genders of the oppressor and victim are reversed in the second verse and the man in the couple gets the slur. But I can't avoid the near-physical reaction I have when the first line of that song lashes out, a capella so you can't possibly miss the word "bitch"...or the dull sickness that creeps into my stomach thinking about some 17 year old young man wearing, in the presence of his girlfriend, a shirt that proclaims "The woman I'm dating is hideous, and I think it's funny to point that out to strangers."

It feels violent and hateful, and no argument that it's "just a joke" will mean much to me when I imagine the look on her face. Women aren't cars, they're people. I suppose some women might find it amusing, but how many women (of any age) do you know that have such rock-solid feelings of self-worth that this wouldn't hurt?