What My Personal Ad Must Actually Say

Dear 26-31 year old vegetarian guys in the Austin area,

I know what I want: all talk and no walk.

Did you check on your profile that you were open to "dating/long-term relationship" - but have no ability or even desire to get attached to anyone?

Do you want attention right this minute, but otherwise fully aware that you're in a selfish stage?

Do you think I'm incredible but know you're terrified of having anything that might vaguely resemble the potential for a relationship at some point in the distant future if we decide we actually get along and continue to live in the same city and I don't get hit by a bus?

Then come on down!

Kisses,
The Princess