Horticulture

The term Sensitve New Age Player (SNAP) was introduced into the Flooded Lizard Kingdom's dictionary by the Marquis de Sod. SNAPs meet you, shower you with affection and attention for several weeks, and say everything you want to hear. You like them, and you believe that they like you back. However, they never show up emotionally. They have practiced lines, but no heart. They disappear after a short while, rarely to be heard from again.

In early 2004 I was positively beset by SNAPs. My good friend Jped suggested that I reword my online personal ads to discourage the pesky critters. I found his suggestion again during the first stage of the Great Email/RSS/Blog/Bookmark Cleanout, so I am sharing it with you.

"I'm really a great person, but DON'T WASTE MY FUCKING TIME ASSHOLE!". I realize it is a little subtle, but I trust the all caps address that shortcoming somewhat.

Or perhaps what is needed here is a little Confuscian ... er ... thinger.

Drench a plant for [only] 3 weeks, and you will have a homicidally angry (but still damned attractive!) plant around. Water the plant frequently but not overwhelmingly for a lifetime, and you will have a friend forever. If, you know, you like plants.

I trust this didn't help at all....my work here is done.