Good heavens, this stuff is really old. But y'know, I've been busy. Seriously.
Writing in Grist, Sarah Kraybill gave us "A mistletoe primer," which starts out:
Very Important Things I Learned About Mistletoe from the U.S. Geological Survey, Which Knows All Kinds Of Things Not Only About The Earth's Crust, As Their Name Would Suggest, But Holiday Flora As Well
Somewhat entertainingly given my January posting record, my next selection is a photo essay from Fussy entitled "Good God! I've posted something!":
Gee, do you think my family subconsciously wants me to burp out another child? I have a very special message for them: Until Satan starts serving ice water in Hell we'll just keep treating our dog like a silent, fur-covered human being. Or until the dear Blue Fairy flutters through our window and makes it so.
My friend Grace managed to entertain me with a post on a topic I have zero interest in. The topic is "Celebrity gossip round-up":
How virile Tom must be, siring a man-child! Maybe they will name him Elron.
"Anybody Got Something To Say, Better Be Running Away" is another entertaining post on a topic I have zero interest in. This time it's jogging:
So - I just took up Jogging. To cut a long story short my fitness levels were 'through the floor' and an Alternative Medical Practitioner said 'Dude if you don't start Jogging, you are FUCKED. Now, give me £1,000 GBP and Jog the hell out of here before I open your Meridians.' I was a bit disappointed with the Bedside Manner of that Alternative Medical Practitioner, but didn't hesitate to fuck right off as instructed.
I have hesitated for almost a year now to post a link to Why's (Poignant) Guide To Ruby, because it's a computer manual. And I know that I am slightly to the geekier end of the spectrum among people who don't actually work with computers for a living, so my perceptions of funny in this area are probably not representative. But I will pull out three early paragraphs from the guide, and you tell me whether it's not well-written and amusing:
Pretend that you’ve opened this book (although you probably have opened this book), just to find a huge onion right in the middle crease of the book. (The manufacturer of the book has included the onion at my request.) So you’re like, “Wow, this book comes with an onion!” (Even if you don’t particularly like onions, I’m sure you can appreciate the logistics of shipping any sort of produce discreetly inside of an alleged programming manual.)
We start off the book by getting along well in the Introduction. This togetherness, this synergy, propels us through the book, with me guiding you on your way. You give me a reassuring nod or snicker to indicate your progress. I’m Peter Pan holding your hand. Come on, Wendy! Second star to the right and on till morning. One problem here. I don’t get along well with people. I don’t hold hands very well. Any of my staff will tell you.
Variables are like nicknames. Remember when everyone used to call you Stinky Pete? People would say, “Get over here, Stinky Pete!” And everyone miraculously knew that Stinky Pete was you. With variables, you give a nickname to something you use frequently. For instance, let’s say you run an orphanage. It’s a mean orphanage. And whenever Daddy Warbucks comes to buy more kids, we insist that he pay us one-hundred twenty-one dollars and eight cents for the kid’s teddy bear, which the kid has become attached to over in the darker moments of living in such nightmarish custody.
Also, there are lots of cartoons.
But if that doesn't work for you, you can try "Technology Alert" from The Reality-Based Community. Here's a teaser:
As is well, though not widely, known, babies were invented by George Eastman in 1894 to create a market for his Kodak cameras, which up to that point were selling poorly owing to the lack of any important application.
Or, look at this gorgeous picture of cinnamon rolls. Or read this post about the Scottish black bun.
It's all about having choices.
