June 2009 Archives

I realized yesterday that by Boy Detective's age, I had already had pneumonia for the first time. He is two months away from turning two. I was 18 months old.

Two more bouts of pneumonia, a kidney infection that required an antibiotic so new it didn't have a name yet (just numbers), and innumerable cases of cold, flu, bronchitis, sinus infections, strep, and asthma pretty much defined my childhood. My mother jokes that for about a decade, I missed all the holidays.

Boy Detective has had one ear infection, a handful of colds, and that's it so far. Thankfully. My mom keeps mentioning how healthy he looks. He's mostly quite cheerful when he's sick, too, until this current cold - which I think has just dragged on so long that he's losing patience with it. I didn't think that my child would turn out like me just because he was my child, but I wonder how different his childhood will be if he doesn't have that constant specter of illness hanging over his head.

It's making me question things I believed about my own childhood as well. I always thought my voracious reading as a child was largely a result of all the time when I couldn't do anything else but read (as television was limited in our house). Boy Detective, though, has been consuming books at an alarming rate for months. Tonight's tally before bed was 7 board books and 4 picture books. If that's not coming from a lack of other options for him, is that where it came from for me? Or did we both start out with the same book love, but mine didn't get eclipsed by other options, whereas his might? His passion for sports, the outdoors, and cooking might take up some of that time. Did my dislike of sports really come from my comparative weakness due to constant illness like I always thought, or was I just born that way? I don't really know, I never bothered to ask my mom because I thought I knew.

And if Boy Detective gets to have all that time that I lost to the germ invasions, will he do something productive with it like cure cancer, or will it simply allow him additional time to perfect his video game moves?

(Note to self: find video game on topic of curing cancer just in case...)

An acquaintance of mine who shall remain nameless has given me permission to share this snippet of an email with you:

He always (always or maybe once) qualifies any discussion of the cat with "Well, that's the high end..." which causes me to wonder if there's a difference between a high end Siberian cat and a low end.

So tell me, what extras would one expect with the high end model?

They say marriage is work. I figured that meant that every few years (or months if you're unlucky), both parties are so thoroughly fed up that there has to be A Big Talk. Then there would be Some Readjusting and Eventually Starting to Like Each Other Again and finally the part where everyone pretty much forgot whatever had been pissing them off and went back to normal.

Apparently, though, there's a different model, wherein you wake up one day and realize that while things are decent, but someday they won't be if you don't get your act together. You realize, with a cold shiver, that you can't just bank on the fact that the two of you are far less crazy than all of your parents. You have to step up and change the way you act. Right now. And it doesn't mean just doing it for a few days, then putting it on the back burner. It means doing your best to act differently almost every day for the rest of your life.

No, C-Man and I aren't in terrible trouble and needing drastic intervention. But I've had a reality check in the past couple of weeks. To be the kind of person I want to be, and have a good marriage, I cannot always put him on the back burner because I know he will put up with it for long periods of time.

I also have to learn to think before I speak, especially if it's a complaint, which has never been my strong suit. (If the complaint is funny, that's different.) I have to go out of my way to show him affection, daily, not just every two weeks when I get on top of my to-do list for five minutes and feel like I "have time" to sit down and watch a movie sitting next to him on the couch.

It's not that C-Man doesn't love me the way I am. But he needs me to keep growing, and to be the best person I can be, instead of running on instinct and habit. He has a tendency to say to me "Well I'm [insert personality trait here] so of course that's how I do it" and it's the same issue. You can use a personality trait as an explanation for past behavior, or as something to factor in when designing a solution, but it can't be a stopping point unless it's more important to you than the relationship.

Becoming an adult is so annoying.

I just saw someone described as a "diet advisor, socialite, and internationally recognized hostess."

Seriously?

In our household, I am the person who most often understands what Boy detective is saying. I mean, he's a fairly articulate person for being 21 months old, and no one who has heard him say tractor, soccer ball, or molasses has been in any doubt about what he was trying to convey. There are times, though, when he suddenly produces a few syllables and everyone around him is shaking their head... except me.

I'm not a big believer in any mystical bond between mother and child, at least not if I'm the mother, since I am just about mystical-free in all areas of my life. So I've been racking my brain for other explanations.

Do I spend more time with him than the other adults hanging around? Well, probably, if you count the hours that I spent working while he's playing with his grandma nearby. But it's not like I'm listening all that well. I'm too busy wondering how I could have sent over 696 emails in one month for a job that isn't even quite full time.

Do I have better hearing than any of these other people? I don't think so. C-Man is a huge drama queen about noises that I consider practically inaudible, yet affect him like nails on a chalkboard.

The only answer I've been able to come up with is that of all of us, I am the one whose mind is most like that of a child not yet two years old.

Last weekend, I had the opportunity to visit with a few amazing Austin BlogHers as part of the BlogHer pre-conference meetups that are being held across the country. (You should check whether there's one in your area coming up!)

We had a small group of four, which was great because the conversation had a chance to move beyond "Hi, what's your name and where do you blog?" We discussed motivations for blogging, how to balance it with the rest of your life, statistics packages, advertising on blogs, food blog photography, blogging platforms... and I'm pretty sure pedicures also came up somehow.

I tend to think of blogging as something connected to an annual conference which I attend once a year to bask in the presence of about 1,000 other people who all share a passion for the same hobby. It was nice to get a reminder that right here, in my own town, there are plenty of gals that share the same passion.

So I wanted to introduce you to some of the BlogHers I've found out about in Austin and hereabouts. I highly recommend checking out who's blogging in your hometown. Reading a blog by someone who lives nearby is a great way to enhance your appreciation for the place you call home. (And if you are in Austin, please feel free to join the Austin Area group on BlogHer.com and introduce yourself.)

UPDATED 11/09: new list is here.

• Destroying my apartment one recipe at a time is written by a woman who is trying to balance food blogging and a graduate degree program in astronomy. If you're into food or science or both, this is the blog for you. Even if you're not, you should check out her awesome URL.
• Fragrant Liar is a lot of fun, and absolutely disproves any stereotypes you may have (conscious or otherwise) that blogs by women who just happen to have grandchildren are a) boring or b) all about their grandchildren.
• The Everyday Foodie and Lisa is Cooking will both make you hungry, so have a healthy snack before visiting either one. If you're like me and you'll eat icing straight out of the container when hungry and too lazy to grocery shop.
• a little messed up apparently caused someone to drop out of dental school recently.
• Baby Makin(g) Machine is a pre-mommyblogger who's trying to learn everything she can about the whole mama thing.
• The Spotted Ottoman is the personal blog of photographer Elizabeth Mitchell, who you should hire immediately if you need pictures of your kids.
• It Dawned on Me is a heavy duty blog about politics and social issues.
• When Heather Met Blog is written by a woman who loves queso, so she's all right by me.
• If you haven't read any of the blogs on the Austin American Statesman's website, you should visit Mama Drama and then click on around.
• MizFit is the place to go if you're looking to get healthy. Note to self: remember exercise?
• Leah of vacant.cc is also a photographer, mostly specializing in weddings, and she just had a sweet, sweet baby girl.
• Andria and Co. just posted some gorgeous photos from her wedding, which she claims was a gazillion years ago. I doubt they had cameras back then, or that the dinosaurs had such nice dresses.
• Thoughts of a Princess combines a pink haired mother, a kid, and a feather boa collection. What's not to like?
• Tied Up With A Black Velvet Band is the blog of a newly married 40 year old woman who just had a run-in with a bookkeeper slash car thief.
• The tagline on Table for Nine says it all: "Four girls, three boys, two parents, one house, zero boredom." The next time I say "I didn't have time to get the laundry done, someone smack me on the back of the head.
• Advocation.me is the personal blog of a lawyer who discusses politics, society, and whatever else she wants to.
• Mothering Munchkins is a good place to get your fix of pictures of cute babies. Perfect for, well, all the time!
• Texas Banter and Confetti Dreams are two blogs by twin sisters. If I could just get my sister to blog...
• If you have kids, you probably know about Z Recommends and the ZRecs Guide to safer children's products, but the folks behind these invaluable resources for parents have also launched a family gardening blog called Gardenaut which I am really enjoying.
• Stepmother's Milk by Izzy Rose is a great resource for any blended family.
• LiveMom.com is "dedicated to building a better village" and I for one am glad that her village is Austin.

And of course Austin has a ton of other great female bloggers on everything from crafts (Average Jane Crafter) to business (EntrepreMusings) and the blogs that refuse to be contained in one category (green living slash parenting blog Mike and McGee).

So tell me, who did I miss? Or tell me who rocks your corner of the world...