Flooded Lizard Kingdom

Guests and Pet Peeves Re: Body Image at Kali Dharma X Shakti Dharma:

Because, you know, every curvy woman in the US has a patriotic duty to be dissatisfied with her body and be trying to lose weight and to gush thanks when people indicate that she might just have dropped half a pound.

I’m so gonna downward-dog your ass! (scroll down to see it) from the Asheville Disclaimer, via a post on Dirt Under My Nails, via a post on Arse Poetica:

Monkey pose … bam! Flying Crow pose … bam! That’s right. I’m not even spilling my latte. You scared now? You should be.

Black History Remembered on African-American Dad:

I thought about how there was a time when he would not have been taught to read or write - especially by his mother and father. A time when he may have been beaten or murdered for doing so. A time when people knew the power of the written word and purposefully kept black people from it.

Letter to My Body by Grace at What if No One's Watching:

But what is absolutely your fault and not mine, and unforgivable, is that you are allergic to everything. Every tree, every plant, every mold, every animal, every dust spore. Of all of the ways in which you have let me down, this is the most intolerable.

If babies were all considered disabled at Composite: thoughts on poetics by Liz Henry:

By the time your prescription for the "stroller" had been approved by doctors and you'd proved through several insurance company and social worker home visits that you indeed had a baby, and by the time the stroller arrived, your baby could walk. Oh, you could rent a basic stroller from a medical supply store for 10 bucks a day, but it would be MADE OF LEAD.

Have a good day everyone. May you be spit up on less frequently than I will be, and have less of your hair torn out by tiny fists.

When I started doing Saturday link posts, the fact that I did them on Saturday morning was a nod to Saturday morning cartoons. But I have to say, when I don't get to sleep until 9 on Friday night, get out of bed with The Dog at 10:20 and 10:40, get up with the baby at 12:30 but don't fall back to sleep until 1:30, and then get back up with him from 3:30 to 5, and get back up at 8, somehow blogging is not the first thing on my mind.

So this is Saturday evening good writing, which is being posted at the time when I would have started getting ready to go out dancing when I lived in Boston and I was not a mom. Enjoy!

Oh My Stinkin Heck recently reviewed the Ford Taurus X:

Perfect for our 100 lb. Great Pyrenees. Not that he rode in the car or anything. I mean, we would NEVER put all our pets in to see if they’d comfortably fit.

Alice at Finslippy helpfully let us know The worst that could happen, so we can plan:

Afraid of tipping the wrong person because after all they all have the same damn hairstyle, I leave without giving money to the hair-washer. A ritual murder-suicide ensues. The note makes it clear that it was my fault.

A good writing medal goes to Slant Eye For the Round Eye, for the title of the post Best Picture Of An Almost Naked Asian American Star Surrounded By Red Vegetables For A Cause. The Year In Review posts, which are linked in the sidebar on that post, contain plenty of other well written category names, such as "Coolest Pale White Guy Still Rockin' Late Night." You should check it out.

Another medal goes to the author of the blog Newsmericks, because I sure as hell couldn't summarize news articles in limerick form with such style.

Slacktivist provided us with a list of Biblical Names:

If we're going to mention Jael, we also need to mention Deborah -- the other heroine of this story from the book of Judges, which is all about the men dithering and the women bailing them out with real courage and leadership (and tent pegs).

And that's what I got. Now when is the pizza showing up?!

Saturday Morning Good Writing would have fit into my NaBloPoMo list-a-day project perfectly, but somehow I didn't do one. Ah well. I suppose I could keep it going with Holidailies... nah! I think I want a little more freedom this month.

Here is my list of things you should be reading if you like good writing. If you like sucky writing, email me privately and I'll send you some links to that instead.

Things We Can Learn From Google on A Mommy with an Attitude:

You can't believe how many people out there want to spank Santa. What's that handbasket saying again?

Five ways to avoid being a soccer mom by Janine Wood in the Christian Science Monitor:

Don't buy a van. If you already own one, sell it. A van-less mother is a useless mother. Not having a van eliminates most opportunities for carpooling, travel sports, and play dates. If you can't fit the kids in the car, you can't take them anywhere.

United States Successfully Exports Remaining Democracy at Defective Yeti:

President Bush's program to export democracy to the Middle East reached fruition yesterday, as the last of America's dominant political philosophy was shipped to Manama.

A racism renaissance? by Nora at The Angry Black Woman:

We’ve got a national debate about immigration that pretty much amounts to “OMGWTFBBQ brown people everywhere!!eleventy1!!” We’ve got white presidential candidates openly snubbing debates and questions on PoC issues. We’ve got a black presidential candidate who has to be guarded by the Secret Service because he’s gotten so many racist death threats. (Meanwhile his opponents openly express amazement that he bathes and can talk.)

I don’t remember asking him a goddamn thing! by Shark Fu on AngryBlackBitch:

Okay, so Scooter B. called Iran part of the Axis of Evil back in the day and then clarified that shit by saying that the most evil thing about Iran is their nuclear program. The United States then launched into a Yo Momma battle with Iran that is still going on.

At the risk of causing all my faithful readers to roll their eyes and sigh and exclaim "Yes, we KNOW you like his blog," I will also recommend HARD TO GRASP LIKE SCIENCE AND MATH IS and SEPTEMBER: THE NEW CRUELEST MONTH? at I'M ON YOUR COMPUTER. In case you missed them.

And finally, I love me some folks at Feedburner. They even make announcements of service interruptions worth reading.

Now go out and play!

I haven't done one of these in a while, but I cleaned out my del.icio.us account yesterday and look what I found...

Checking in with Gary Neiwand on I'M ON YOUR COMPUTER:

Neiwand assumes a fighting stance. IOYC eyes him warily - has riding a bike increased his ability to fuck up? Is he viewing this whole contest from the perspective of a velodrome??

Bourne vs. Bond: no contest by Maryann Johnson on her blog Flick Filosopher. I love her writing about film.

[...] Daniel Craig’s 007 remains a weapon of the establishment at a time when the establishment is under fire and under suspicion more than it has been in living memory. When your prime minister gets pushed out of office by a citizenry who can no longer stand the sight of him or endure his policies, well, do you really want a hero who is -- ostensibly -- carrying out those policies?

In which we name and shame by Lady Bracknell:

Because it seems to me - and, you know, call me cynical if you like - that what Southampton City Council are actually trying to do here is to weasel their way out of the equality-conscious aim the Disability Discrimination Act 2005 browbeat them into publishing, albeit only in draft form.

If there's an innocent interpretation of this which the red mist of my incandescent rage is preventing me from seeing, then by all means bring it to my attention.

I am Paris Hilton by Jon Swift:

Who among us cannot imagine ourselves in Paris Hilton's Manolo Blahnik pumps? It does not stretch the imagination to see ourselves driving our Bentley to buy a cheeseburger late at night and getting pulled over for the second time in less than a year and charged with driving without a license after it was suspended for driving while intoxicated. There but for the grace of God, go I.

Have a good day, y'all.

You don't have to watch the accompanying video to appreciate All the good music on Slacktivist:

Ives' routine involves lecturing about the inherent sinfulness of certain kinds of rhythm. In short, he believes "godly" music should be a march in 4/4 time. Anything else is the Devil's work.

I lost valuable productive hours of 1998 and 1999 because of Brunching Shuttlecocks. Lore Sjöberg now has a column in Wired. Mine Eyes Have Seen the Gory Realities of Nearsightedness was eerily familiar, and luckily not all that gory:

I'm lucky to be living in a time of eyeball technology. Without artificial assistance, my vision is such that I could not tell a flower stand from a bowl of miso soup at 15 paces.

Austria’s Five-Star Prison is both words and pictures. Don't miss the photo captions.

Why is the rate of burglaries in Austria a whopping 40% higher than in the U.S.? I’ll tell you why: because Austrian minimum security prisons are fucking awesome! If you’re in Austria, and have a working brain, you should be trying to get into one right now!

When You're A Jet by Barbara Card Atkinson took my breath away. It's short and precious and you should read it.

I love Coffee Break's Over on Our Kind of Parenting so much that I'm having a hard time what to put for the teaser without spoiling it. OK, how about this:

I say this for one reason only: the term "hos" is one highly offensive thing, but how many white guys do you know actually even know the word "nappy"...until now? Hugh Grant thinks it means diaper. So does Paul McCartney. Of course they do, they're English.

It's Over, but for the misconceptions, and notes on raunch culture generally on Kalidharma X Shaktidharma saved me the trouble of writing a post on censorship versus social disapproval - and bonus, it's way better than what I would have written:

Content directors and cultural creatives put stuff out there. If we don't want it: they can't sell it: it dies. And that is perfectly fair, fine, right, and just what freedom of speech means. All the ideas and styles get their test and run, and some of them make it. Not all of them make it in all contexts.Speech is contextual. You can't say just anything just anywhere. And grown-ups know that.

What creative types and programming directors also know, that most people don't, is there are Many More Ideas in the Hopper. Always. And we won't run out. So, most people also won't run out of entertainment. Relax. We're not going to make you make your own entertainment. We know that's really hard to do.

Beyond Earth Day on a garden of nna mmoy is both funny and deadly serious:

Some of the candidates will promise you the moon. They will blow fairy dust up your ass and try to convince you that they can lower taxes, improve the resource-based economy and prevent global warming without making any significant changes to how we get around, build our houses, or the price of bread or t-shirts. This is a complete and utter fabrication. They are lying to you.

Have a good weekend, people.

I really like the Christian Science Monitor. However, like all papers, sometimes they write a bunch of junk. Make Your Blood Boil? Well, I Should Say! on Blog of the Moderate Left skewers the Monitor's recent article on parents having dance parties with their kids:

Slow down, trollop! A glass of wine? Music? The kids? Why, it’s like the wickedness scene in The Ten Commandments, only far more brazen!

Check out Things that crack me up, #4 on The Gimp Parade, which is one of my favorite top 10 lists ever:

I'd like to change the focus of stranger questions from "How fast can that thing go?" to "What's the biggest thing you've ever run over?"

My new mobile is lumbered with a bewildering array of unnecessary features aimed at idiots by Charlie Brooker is a review of a phone that I don't care about in the slightest, and yet I am delighted by the review:

The phone arrived the next day and immediately began elbowing me in the ribs. It seems to have been designed specifically to irritate anyone with a mind.

The Bad Student at Red Stapler will sound familiar to anyone who has experienced the wonder of the attempted upsell from a telephone customer service rep:

She read her script with such conviction and caring that for a moment, I almost believed that paying 79 cents a month for every hundred dollars I charged would solve all my life's problems and make me, for once, truly happy.

Search History is an xchd comic. To avoid spoiling the full effect, I will stop here.

And last but far from least in my heart, EVEN THE ARMADILLOS GOT NECK PROTECTION and THE CLOAK AND DAGGER MAGNUM PACKER from my beloved I'M ON YOUR COMPUTER. No one loves this blog as much as I do, but that shouldn't stop you from reading it.

At last, I am finishing up with good writing I noticed online in 2006. So in place of cartoons - or in addition, no one's saying you can't multi-task - I present the last four posts I had stored up from 2006. All very well written, all worth reading. Have at it.

Having phone banked myself, going through the "unconfirmed" list, I can sympathize with Shark-Fu at AngryBlackBitch in Phone Banking and the Modern Bitch:

Some sick fuck decided that dialing a number wrong or not knowing a number has been disconnected should be rewarded with severe and wince inspiring ear pain!

There is an art to the personal essay. I don't manage it well myself. Miss Zoot does. Check out Simply the Best!:

I learned that I could get just as much attention wearing black nail-polish as I could by getting the top grade on a test. And the black nails were much easier to accomplish. After relishing the stares and whispers after one day of wearing black nail-polish, I braved silver snake rings and black combat boots. OOHH! The attention!

I like Fred Clark when he's snarky. Thus, Behindsight and bias makes me happy.

Or, of course, Vendantam could have simply used Google to find the hundreds of thousands of articles and blog posts from the distant past of four years ago in which thousands of different people said exactly what Vendantam says no one ever said.

And to wrap it up, stevenf has some recommendations on How To Live:

I mean, it can't possibly be healthy for my body or mind to spend each day sobbing uncontrollably and trying to eat as many Carl's Jr. Western Bacon Cheeseburgers as I can before nightfall.

Have a good Saturday!

Hello all, I hope you're still in bed this morning. Unless your children need you, in which case I hope you were able to get up and go help them without too much pain. I guess it depends on whether they let you sleep through the night, huh?

In place of morning cartoons, I offer the following snippets from the web.

Know-It-All on The Talent Show contained some good information, so please review post haste if you missed it:

Science has stood completely still since DNA was discovered thirty years ago...in 1953.

I guess I need to clarify more at Peter's Cross Station may only be of interest to those who care about adoption issues, but it's tremendously well written and I liked this part:

My knee-jerk response when looking for a side to take is the side with the least power. And that includes times when I personally, individually may lose something by siding this way. I know that people in the position to adopt often feel like they are powerless. But they are not. Most often, they are people who have a lot of power, but have lost a piece of that power--assumed fertility for example. Generally speaking, however, adopters have more power than prospective first parents. Flood me with your exceptions, but that is the fundamental, basic truth.

Dooce took inspiration for Having Dated Walking Red Flags from Maggie Mason's book No One Cares What You Had for Lunch: 100 Ideas for Your Blog, which I own and love. But I doubt I'll do a post like this of my own, because Dooce's is so amazing that I'd rather read hers:

It wasn’t until I realized that his aversion to butts was just Chapter One in his memoir The Innumerable Ways I am Out of My Fucking Mind, and by Chapter Four: I Cannot Bring Myself to Sleep With Women Who Have Vaginas, I knew that I had stumbled into the wrong section of the library, if you know what I’m saying.

Wow, this next one is old. Economic Talking Points For Democratic Leaders on Burnt Orange Report:

You see, we live in a 30-second sound bite world. You have to speak in simple sentences and say the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. That's what Bush has done with such phrases as "9/11 changed everything" and "war on terror." Why the hell do you think everybody says, "9/11 changed everything?" Because Bush says it in every speech! So, that's what we have to do. Just to make sure you see these phrases

I HAVE HIGHLIGHTED THEM IN BOLDFACE AND CAPITAL LETTERS.

And finally, a 2006 wrapup entitled Feminism & Gender in 2006: The Good, Bad, and the Underwearless, by the talented Suzanne Reisman of Blogher and her own blog CUSS and other Rants:

The South Dakota government banned abortions. The voters overturned the ban. Sometimes the people know what they are doing. Other times, they elect George W. Bush as President. I can’t explain it.

That is all for today. Someday, I might actually get into pointing out good posts from 2007...

Here are a few things to read this morning in case you don't like any cartoons that are on. Yeah, they're old, but so what? Good writing on the internet is forever.

Shark-Fu at AngryBlack Bitch posted Girl, get your suffrage on! right before the elections in November, but it's timeless and fabulous.

If you think politics doesn’t have anything to do with you…if you think the only things on ballots are candidates and issues that don’t apply to you…you need to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Right after the election, A whole new world! The first three hours was documented at Finslippy:

7 a.m.: The radio alarm wakes us up. NPR briskly announces that the Democrats have taken the House. I’m trembling with glee. No, wait, I’m trembling with cold. I look out the window. It’s pouring rain. The Democrats never said anything about rain.

Though this post is from June of 2006, I still think it's important to point out that You're not allowed to kill civilians. Fred Clark at Slacktivist:

This is neither new nor controversial, yet putting the matter in such stark terms always seems to upset people.

Miss Zoot says Be glad I don't have your cell number, but hell, I'd give her my number after reading this:

You are not going to believe what I just did. I just ordered a corsage for a GIRL that my son is taking to a DANCE tonight. A CORSAGE. A DANCE. A GIRL. MY SON. Did you hear me? Can you believe it? I’m freaking out. Do you know what I did with boys at dances? I kissed boys at dances. KISSED.

Skip past the t-shirts to find PART TWO! in the post Free Don't Suck at Fussy. Or don't skip the shirts, they're kinds of fun. But you have to read the story by Jackson and Sophia, plus the brilliant literary commentary by Mrs. Kennedy. Too short for an excerpt, that would spoil everything, sorry!

Oh wow, this one's really old. But still good. Love in the time of terrorism at Sepia Mutiny details one man's struggle for love in the face of transportation adversity:

I’m a 30-year-old single male. There are fewer opportunities for me to meet eligible women (according to my parents). A desi friend’s wedding is supposed to be a money venue. But just look at my predicament. I cannot shampoo my hair (hotel shampoo doesn’t count) or apply even a modest amount of styling gel to my hair in order to achieve that proper look between sophistication and slackerdom.

Our last entry is a really good movie review. Really good. It manages to give information about the movie without being dry, and the reviewer's opinion without being pedantic. That's hard to do, and she does it very well. Idiocracy Movie Review by my good blog friend Suebob:

It's a great movie concept and an ok movie. It is hard to hang a movie on one character whose claim to fame is that he is completely average, one stereotypical woman character (the sassy prostitute) and a supporting cast of complete and utter idiots.

Enjoy your Saturday.

Or at least, he should be.

I am at a loss to explain why virtually every post this person writes makes me laugh, but I do love them. If you've missed any of these, do yourself a favor and get caught up.

• METAL MAKES US STRONG, TOGETHER WE BELONG
• ANOTHER BREAK OF POETRY
• DENTIST'S MAD HE SAYS MY WORDS ABUSE MY MOUTH
• MUST BE ALL THAT CINNAMON CINEMA SIMIAN SINGULAR

Whoops, not quite morning anymore. Had brunch with my good friend UnwiredBen and now C-Man and I are psychologically preparing for a day of cleaning.

But first, two bits of good writing.

If only gay sex caused global warming in the L.A. Times. They'll make you register, but then you can read things like this:

Global warming isn't trying to kill us, and that's a shame. If climate change had been visited on us by a brutal dictator or an evil empire, the war on warming would be this nation's top priority.

Why school sucks on Red Stapler by the inimitable Suebob. I don't have one particular passage that I would pull out, but it is very clear and well-written. And it reminds folks like me that just because I did well in school, that doesn't mean I'm all that. Check it out.

(Does this feel slapdash? That's because it is. Sorry, my six devoted readers, but my apartment is making me crazy and it must stop.)

blac(k)ademic's post interracial relationships: my 2 cents is well worth a read:

i also see the side of the argument, where self-hate can drive us to ignore our history, our essence of blackness (whatever that may be), and force us to strive for acceptance from white people, through selectively dating white people, in an attempt to prove how we can be "just like them." those relationships do exist out there, however, to see them all as that, denies all black men/women in interracial relations agency and positions them as helpless pawns that are incapable of owning and controlling their sexuality.

The Internet Theologian Explains The Da Vinci Code is funny even if you haven't read or seen The Da Vinci Code:

Q: What does all this have to do with Jesus? Or, for that matter, Leonardo Da Vinci?

A: The premise of the book is that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, and that the two had children, who passed along Jesus' bloodline through generations of French people. Leonardo was the member of a secret brotherhood of painters who protected this secret by painting pictures of men that look like ladies.

THE HISTORY OF MY HIP-HOP IS TOO DEEP TO BE DISSECTED, PROBABLY is a nice companion piece. I know, from the title you wouldn't think so. Trust me.

The first section in this post by Mimi Smartypants is quite lovely - here's an excerpt:

Although there is no way Crazy Lady could have known this, the idea of my kid's school tolerating even the slightest hint of race-based teasing is laughable. These are the people who whip up a Festival of Diversity at the drop of a (hand-knitted by Ecuadorian shepherds) hat. Seriously.

Check out Five things, besides lying, that Shakira’s hips don’t do. Ha!

And finally, I love, love, love the Racism FAQ on a blog called Egotistical Whining:

Q)But "if you switched the words around"..

A)The situations are totally different. You guys got the GI Bill, you guys get taken seriously, no matter what insane paranoid shit you made up, and we're supposed to cry for you? No.

Seriously, read the whole thing, and then read the comments. Especially if you are white.

I have to admit I prepped this post ahead of time, since this weekend is all about finishing baby quilts. Feel free to take legal action.

The adventures of Suebob, girl reporter:

Some people took my sodden state for overwhelming emotion at the sacrifice of our service members and nodded approvingly in my direction. For one moment I was seen as a super patriot, not a despised member of the America-hating, peacemongering, liberal media!

Rules of the International Confederation of Dreadlocks Persons (revised):

rule #3:
you will get questions about your hair.
there are going to be a lot of questions and comments about your hair and it's best to be prepared, following are a number of common hair related statements for which you can develop your own standard answers to.

Mushy Liberal Values, Part Two: Empathy

Except for some of the criminals among us, we all have empathy to one degree or another. The question is how intentional you are about employing empathy in every situation. Empathy is a crucial building block for basic moral functioning on both a micro and a macro level. On a micro level, empathy may help me see that the person I am arguing with has a valid point. On a macro level, empathy is the first step towards justice.

Via a post on Arse Poetica, Report: U.S. May Have Been Abused During Formative Years:

According to Drexel, nations that act out in selfish, self-destructive ways in statehood were usually granted too much independence at an early age, especially if the motherland had other newly annexed lands to care for.

According to Yale University psychology professor John Bauffman, while some rebellious behavior in a nation's adolescence is common, and sometimes healthy, America's historically stormy relationship with mother country Great Britain points to a deep need for acceptance.

And that is all. Hopefully my only computer-related task of the weekend will be clicking "publish" on this post...here goes...

I am going to hire Karen Walrond to respond to any future episodes of sexual harassment I might encounter. Her post is quick, so I'm not giving you an excerpt, but do click on through.

If you're missing your Olympics docudrama adrenaline rush, check out the first installment of the documentary series Amazing Lace: Meet Team Rete:

Although the teammates were originally planning on modifying a pattern for a triangular shawl into a rectangular stole, this proved too difficult for the teammates. Problems arose during swatching and tempers flared during the resulting tink session. Neighbors claim that Dusty went into a screaming fit, reportedly yelling, "You can find another pattern or you can find another partner."

And finally, I know I link to Defective Yeti ALL THE TIME, and indeed his is one of the blogs I've been reading the longest. But dammit, he just won't stop cracking me up! From Hooked Up:

When Gmail launched I quickly adopted it as my primary email account, but since then they have larded the joint up with so much AJAX that I was urging friends to print hard copies of messages they had written me and send them via the postal service, as that would often reach me quicker.

Off to bed with me!

Brownfemipower put together a thoroughly enjoyable critique of Queen Latifah's makeover in E! Channel, Starlicious Make Overs and Racism/Homophobia:

So when a show openly states that a black woman goes from "ghetto" to "starlicious" because she removed cultural indicators of her blackness and (assumed) sexuality--what it is really saying is that those indicators are wrong, undesirable, and ugly. Specifically, black lesbians are culturally wrong and undesirable.

Is there any wonder, then, why Neal Boortz could get away with his comments about Cynthia McKinney's hair, in which he states she looks like a ghetto slut?

An excellent companion piece is disU.N.I.T.Y.: or, letting go of latifah by fecundmellow:

call me a renigger (read: reneger), i don't give a damn. but, dana, you've put a homegyrl in a fucked up position. surely many will say i shoulda given it up, turned it loose longlong time ago. i mean, i ain't see taxi, but i saw beauty shop. if i were a camel, that shit would've broken that bridge called my back. but on (some of) the realest shit i've said this year: you broke my heart.

A simple solution to the gay marriage issue, called The Buddy System, is spelled out at defective yeti:

I don't think the government should get involved in gay marriage. But, on the other hand, I don't think the government should be involved in straight marriage either.

That might sound like a strange sentiment coming from a happily married guy like me. But The Queen and I, not religious in the slightest, got married only because it was the only option available to us. If we could have gotten civilly unionized, we probably would have gone that route. Instead, we just made it as secular an affair as possible, with a retired judge as the officiant and a ceremony held in the Seattle Aquarium.

Damn, That Was Close (Again...) on Bark/Bite depressed the fuck out of me, but as usual it's really, really well written and wickedly funny. You make the call about whether to read it. It might depend on what kind of day you're having:

But what I don't understand is why this didn't make a huge splash in the media. I mean, would-be terrorists trying to buy nerve gas right here at home? Hello!? Anyone at Fox listening?

Oh, wait--could it be because he's white?

Check out Van Jones's piece Shout "VIVA!" Anyhow: On Being Black At A Latino March:

The bright mood contrasted starkly with the dreary atmosphere that chokes most protests nowadays. On this march, I saw no resigned shuffling of already-defeated feet. No sea of scowls. No pierced tongues, screaming. Nor could I spy a single person dragging behind her the weighty conviction that resistance - though obligatory - was futile.

To the contrary. Beaming, brown-skinned families walked off those trains with their heads held high. Sure, they may have been poor, facing tough challenges in the near term. But they stepped like they were marching into a future of limitless promise and potential.

And finally, thank god someone finally gave me some guidelines for choosing a password. Thanks, Suebob!

What you should read this week, in my opinion:

Fred Clark's Empathy Part 4:

"What's the matter with Kansas?" Thomas Frank asks.

That's a good question, and a fair one. The majority of Kansans, after all, continually vote against their own economic self-interest. That's how Frank puts it, anyway.

I would put it somewhat differently: The majority of Kansans continually vote against the economic interests of the majority of Kansans. I don't really care whether or not you cast your vote in your own economic interest, but when your vote betrays the interests of most of your neighbors, well, that's a sin.

Flea's Letter To Alex and Chris, Twelve Years Into The Future:

As young white men, you sit at the pinnacle of opportunity and privilege. All the power in the world can be yours, but as the old saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. You may be faced with situations where causing harm is an option. You may be faced with situations where refusing to cause harm may cause you to lose face. You may be faced with a situation where you know you can easily get away with causing harm to another living being. And when the road ends here, my sweet boys, I beg you to remember my words, and the example of Hugh Thompson: It is your duty to protect those who can not protect themselves.

Talking with my 11-year old daughter about abortion, and other difficult but necessary tasks on Running with Scissors:

And as she sat down with me this morning, taking in this enormous news story that was all but buried within mainstream television media, she immediately understood. Her eyes widened. No exception for women who are raped? She knew that was bullshit. (No, I don't let her use words like bullshit. Yes, in lots of ways I'm a conservative and hypocritical mom, but anyway...)

AngryBlackBitch's By request, a bitch's thoughts on South Dakota...:

The sad reality is that anti-choice advocates are creating more unplanned pregnancies through their ignorance is bliss policies…and those of us in the trenches are shoveling in a downpour. A bitch struggles to understand the logic and finds that there is none.

Refusing To Choose One Racial Box by Sasha Debevec-McKenney:

If administrators at Windsor High School had their choice, would I be considered black for just the days of the interdisciplinary writing and response to literature tests? That way, I could help boost the scores for blacks, making the school district look better. And then, when the math and science tests rolled around, they could just switch me over to white - a racial group whose statistics could afford to take a hit from my test scores. Wouldn't I be so convenient?

And though this is part of a speech reported in the New York Times (now only accessible in the NYT archives), I bet the speaker wrote it down while he was working on it, or at least rehearsed it - so I'm including it:

As the scrape of silverware quieted at the breakfast, the Rev. W. Stewart MacColl told the audience how a Presbyterian church in Houston that he had led and several others had worked with Planned Parenthood to start a family planning center. Protesters visited his church. Yet his 900 parishioners drove through picket lines every week to attend services. One Sunday, he and his wife, Jane, took refreshments to the protesters out of respect for their understanding of faith, he said.

Mr. MacColl said a parishioner called him the next day to comment: "That's all very well for you to say, but you don't drive to church with a 4-year-old in the back seat of your car and have to try to explain to him when a woman holds up a picture of a dead baby and screams through the window, 'Your church believes in killing babies.' "

Mr. MacColl said of the abortion protester: "She would, I suspect, count herself a lover of life, a lover of the unborn, a lover of God. And yet she spoke in harshness, hatred and frightened a little child."

Mr. MacColl quoted the theologian Reinhold Niebuhr: "'Sometimes the worst evil is done by good people who do not know that they are not good.' "

The crowd murmured its assent.

Then Mr. MacColl challenged them. "The trouble is, I find myself reflected in that woman," he said. "Because I can get trapped in self-righteousness and paint those who oppose me in dark colors they do not deserve. Is that, at times, true of you, as well?"

What can I say, Saturdays have been strange around here for a while. Some of this stuff is old, some new, but all worth reading.

Bark/Bite had two good pieces inspired by the Super Bowl. It's worth reading them as a set. First, Ah, the Superbowl:

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that a large portion, if not the majority, of my readers did not watch the Superbowl. Which means you did not see the ad that had me grinding my teeth and trying really hard not to swear at the TV in front of my children.

And then Do You Tell a Football What Time the Superbowl Starts?:

[...] this is bad enough when it results in married men acting like children. I'm not saying that all men do this, but I am saying that all men are exposed to strong pressure to do this. And in all seriousness, the more beer commercials they watch during sporting events, the more of this pressure they will feel.

UnwiredBen sent over this movie review of Ultraviolet by Marcus132:

I've seen movies before where I've said "they showed all of the best parts in the trailer." Ultraviolet is the first movie that ever made me say, "They showed all the best parts in the poster."

Dawn posted a great piece called Invisibility=White on her blog I am doing the best I can:

When my mother in law says this phrase “White people are crazy” this is what she means. White People are the dominant culture in the United States. They are the holders of nearly all the political, social and economic power in our society. They design and control our government, our schools, and our legal system. White people control most of the media outlets - radio, television, and newspaper and book publishers. White people have designed a total system that grants them implicit favors and privileges as they navigate these systems. Yet, they blatantly, as a group, deny this.

Though it's been a long time since I identified as a Christian, I found Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger on Slacktivist quite compelling:

The book was, of course, attacked as a redistributionist, socialist, Communist, even Stalinist manifesto. It was called a "guilt trip." It was endlessly attacked by rich Christians insisting that the "age of hunger" was not their fault.
This last was particularly odd. Sider wasn't saying that global poverty was their fault. He was saying it was their responsibility, and that it was their opportunity.

Binyavanga Wainaina published a great piece called How to Write About Africa in Granta. While you read it, if you're laughing, make sure you're also thinking:

Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey-brain is an African's cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show that you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it - because you care.

I was confused when I started reading Why I am not a feminist on Creek Running North, but I stuck with it. You should too.

I see my name mentioned in more and more places in the feminist blog world as “one of the rare men who gets it.” This gratifies and depresses me, and confuses me not a little. I suspect that some of this is that privilege mentioned above, in which a man who says certain eminently sensible, obvious, just, and humane things about feminism and sexism gets more recognition than a woman who says the same things. I suspect some of it is that I love women, and no matter how you parse that you will likely be right. I suspect some of it is that I cannot imagine my freedom, my rights to be fully realized in any system that deprives others of those rights and that freedom, and women are systematically deprived of those rights and freedoms.

I am not a feminist.

Last, let me say that I have NO IDEA what combination of drugs produces the writing on the blog I'M ON YOUR COMPUTER. But The Marriage of Cadmus and Harmony for Childs cracked me up. For half an hour.

Get this, imagine if you were just a Sweet Innocent Baby, nothing to read, saving up $$$ for your future so diligently but yet thinking "I wish there was some Book I could read to make time go faster until I grow up to be fucking ill".

You can tell that some of the commenters are trying too hard to be funny in the same style, and they're just not. But perhaps practice makes perfect.

And lastly, this one is good writing combined with cartoons, so there isn't much I can excerpt. But please do check out There is Life on Mars, which I found via this post at Arse Poetica.

You'll be glad you did.

Good heavens, this stuff is really old. But y'know, I've been busy. Seriously.

Writing in Grist, Sarah Kraybill gave us "A mistletoe primer," which starts out:

Very Important Things I Learned About Mistletoe from the U.S. Geological Survey, Which Knows All Kinds Of Things Not Only About The Earth's Crust, As Their Name Would Suggest, But Holiday Flora As Well

Somewhat entertainingly given my January posting record, my next selection is a photo essay from Fussy entitled "Good God! I've posted something!":

Gee, do you think my family subconsciously wants me to burp out another child? I have a very special message for them: Until Satan starts serving ice water in Hell we'll just keep treating our dog like a silent, fur-covered human being. Or until the dear Blue Fairy flutters through our window and makes it so.

My friend Grace managed to entertain me with a post on a topic I have zero interest in. The topic is "Celebrity gossip round-up":

How virile Tom must be, siring a man-child! Maybe they will name him Elron.

"Anybody Got Something To Say, Better Be Running Away" is another entertaining post on a topic I have zero interest in. This time it's jogging:

So - I just took up Jogging. To cut a long story short my fitness levels were 'through the floor' and an Alternative Medical Practitioner said 'Dude if you don't start Jogging, you are FUCKED. Now, give me £1,000 GBP and Jog the hell out of here before I open your Meridians.' I was a bit disappointed with the Bedside Manner of that Alternative Medical Practitioner, but didn't hesitate to fuck right off as instructed.

I have hesitated for almost a year now to post a link to Why's (Poignant) Guide To Ruby, because it's a computer manual. And I know that I am slightly to the geekier end of the spectrum among people who don't actually work with computers for a living, so my perceptions of funny in this area are probably not representative. But I will pull out three early paragraphs from the guide, and you tell me whether it's not well-written and amusing:

Pretend that you’ve opened this book (although you probably have opened this book), just to find a huge onion right in the middle crease of the book. (The manufacturer of the book has included the onion at my request.) So you’re like, “Wow, this book comes with an onion!” (Even if you don’t particularly like onions, I’m sure you can appreciate the logistics of shipping any sort of produce discreetly inside of an alleged programming manual.)

We start off the book by getting along well in the Introduction. This togetherness, this synergy, propels us through the book, with me guiding you on your way. You give me a reassuring nod or snicker to indicate your progress. I’m Peter Pan holding your hand. Come on, Wendy! Second star to the right and on till morning. One problem here. I don’t get along well with people. I don’t hold hands very well. Any of my staff will tell you.

Variables are like nicknames. Remember when everyone used to call you Stinky Pete? People would say, “Get over here, Stinky Pete!” And everyone miraculously knew that Stinky Pete was you. With variables, you give a nickname to something you use frequently. For instance, let’s say you run an orphanage. It’s a mean orphanage. And whenever Daddy Warbucks comes to buy more kids, we insist that he pay us one-hundred twenty-one dollars and eight cents for the kid’s teddy bear, which the kid has become attached to over in the darker moments of living in such nightmarish custody.

Also, there are lots of cartoons.

But if that doesn't work for you, you can try "Technology Alert" from The Reality-Based Community. Here's a teaser:

As is well, though not widely, known, babies were invented by George Eastman in 1894 to create a market for his Kodak cameras, which up to that point were selling poorly owing to the lack of any important application.

Or, look at this gorgeous picture of cinnamon rolls. Or read this post about the Scottish black bun.

It's all about having choices.

Where have I been? I started this post for a Saturday a while back, and now there are something like 6,000 new posts in my aggregator and I haven't even shared these! Obviously I'm going to be digging out for a while. And finishing 5 more quilts by the end of January, and shifting all my investments to socially responsible companies, and cleaning out my closet. Oh yes. I will do it.

But first, let's start catching up with some of the good writing on the web:

Sepia Mutiny's abhi describes some recent transportation security changes in "SSSS: The mark of the beast":

Yesterday the Transportation Security Authority (TSA) released its new rules on what can and cannot be taken aboard an airplane. This decision will greatly affect South Asians across America. Before, if you were brown an accidentally got caught with contraband, your life was over. After being strip-searched there was the possibility that you would be stamped with the "mark of the beast."

Defective Yeti addressed another important safety topic in "Snow Advisory," which will seem quite familiar to Austin residents.

Powazek.com provided a useful guide to a good number of tv dramas called "The Subliminal Reassurances of Procedural Dramas":

House - Don't worry, if you're incredibly, implausibly sick, a team of doctors led by a brilliant but broken man, who is also a grumpy drug addict, will save you ... but only if you're interesting enough to convince him to.

Feministe shared a tanka by a 16 year old that addresses porn and feminism: "Porn Hound, Meet Feminist Website."

Brad Ideas is keeping us updated on current events with "AAAS issues warning to Pat Robertson -- You have turned away from science":

"We’d like to say to the good Reverend Robertson: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to Science, you just rejected it from your life," AAAS said on its daily television show broadcast from Washington, the 3.14159 Club.

McSweeney's has consumer reporting covered with "The IPod Zepto: Inconceivably Small":

Look closely at the period-sized dot in the middle of the box. Now, find the red rectangular square in the center of the dot. This is the outer packaging of your iPod Zepto. In a sterile, wind-free environment, carefully open the outer packaging and remove the clear-plastic inner wrapping. Finally, using the enclosed high-magnification lens, unwrap the plastic and look for a white case. Inside the white case is your iPod Zepto.

Ending on a somber note, Rhetoric 101 explains "The Bad Guys" with an excellent blend of excerpts, narration, and storytelling:

As we all know, the people in Iraq would never notice all those dead people, all those tortured family members, all those disappeared, unless they were reported on our news, here in the USA.

Enjoy. Once I dig through the growing pile of blog posts in poor SharpReader, I will report back with more.

Slacktivist reminds me of my mom (in a good way) in "A Game For Goats":

I get the gag, and like I said, it's pretty funny. But it's bad theology. "Is this Jesus or is this a homeless street person?" is a misleading question because, as far as we're concerned, a homeless street person is Jesus...

Jeanne D'Arc writes so many good posts, but "Old Jokes" really struck me:

In 1959, a British movie could build a joke on the idea that the most powerful country in the world had standards that limited its power. My daughter still thinks that's funny. Apparently, I've over-protected her, because she still lives in a world in which good guys refuse to do bad things. To me, the joke makes no sense anymore. It comes from a world we no longer live in.

danah boyd posted a party invitation sent out by friends that includes a timetable of events to assist guests with planning their arrival time:

8:00 Jason threatens George with lawsuits for being funnier than him
9:00 George threatens to delete Jason's flickr account

Heather writes about parenting the child she actually has in "You can't always get what you want":

A part of me feels like this is the Universe’s way of putting me in my place. I never thought my kid would be this kid. I used to see kids like Leta and think, “Why don’t they stop her? If I were her parent I would be able to stop her.” I used to think that a good parent would be able to take any type of kid in public and that kid would behave. I used to be an idiot. I used to need a good bat to the head.

Eric Ringham helps out Kansans in "How intelligent is your design?":

Beginning in 2008, public school students in Kansas will be tested under that state's new science standards, which open the door to criticism of evolution. Here are sample questions - some new, some adapted from current biology exams - to help them get ready.

Greg at The Talent Show posted the full text of "Thou Shalt Debate" by M.J. Ellington from the Decatur Daily:

When 25 state senators signed a bill to put protections for Ten Commandment displays in the state constitution, they said they were doing what voters want. Yet a survey of 10 of those senators who backed the measure in the special legislative session that ended Monday found only one, the bill sponsor, who could name all 10 of the commandments.

And finally, as Sour Duck's Link Blog put it, a "shockingly-named" blog had a funny bit on the "See Error Club." I just can't bring myself to use the name of the blog due to my fears about what my search engine referral traffic would look like for the next few months. There aren't many words in this entry, but I'm calling it good writing anyway because they're used so well.

From Chookoolonks, "on raising my kid, and how you can help":

... there will come a day when someone close to me will cave and purchase a Barbie for an enthusiastic Alex. And even though you are all now and forever keenly aware of my Barbie Aversion, I will silently allow said plastic atrocity to enter our home. I will, however, teach my daughter the following phrase, in the same way my sister taught her daughter: "Poor Barbie. She's not very interesting."

From Kurtlow.com, "By George!":

It probably all started in Hong Kong, where every 2 in 5 people are named after some kind of insect species, with the other 3 preferring to stick to mammal groups.

From Peter's Cross Station, "Back to Adoption":

One thing that drives me nuts sometimes, is the assumption that if you are a transracial adopter, you must be a political naif who believes "love has no color" and you've done the world a favor by rescuing a child from its own inferior race.

Um, hell no. I don't think any of that. I don't think as many transracial/transcultural adopters think that as I used to, either. I think that there are plenty of transracial adopters who see their family's origin story as a mandate to be activists about the kind of injustice that led to the adoption in the first place.

From Finslippy, "Three years, one month, and ten days ago":

You know this part if you've had a baby already: everything you read, every doctor you speak to, every hospital orientation you attend, every labor preparation course you take, they all tell you the same thing: don’t go to the hospital right away. We won’t admit you until you’re four centimeters dilated! they say. You’ll probably panic at those first contractions and think you need to go to the hospital! But you won’t! Stay at home and be comfortable and don’t bother the hospital until you’re absolutely certain! Maybe then you can come. Maybe. But until then we don’t want you.

From Bark/Bite, "The Differences Between the Sexes...":

... a 1% difference doesn't mean jack shit when trying to predict the behavior of actual human beings on a daily basis. It doesn't mean jack shit when trying to decide who's better at cooking, and it doesn't mean jack shit when arguing about why women are squeezed out of the top levels of science.

And two short posts that must be read in their entirety to be appreciated:

• From 5ives, "Five terrible fake entrees from the dotcom era"
• From Defective Yeti, "The Suspension of Disbelief Personified"

I missed this last week due to my trip to the underwhelming International Quilt Festival in Houston. But here are a few of my favorite things:

"A note on vulnerability and responsibility" by Hugo Schwyzer:

Authentic manhood -- true adulthood -- is about more than "feeling needed". Feminism offers men the chance to be complete, complex, interesting human beings rather than paychecks and stalwart rocks.

Kung Fu Monkey launches "D.A.C.M.A." to save us all:

So how do we stop this cultural plague? Well, we'll never win the fight to just out-and-out outlaw divorce: far too many powerful politicians and pundits depend on it as a way to mark their rise in power and income through progressive wife trade-ins. No, the roundabout solution here is to ban the marriage of celebrities in the first place, to keep them from spreading their disgusting guerilla free-love meme when they eventually, inevitably dissolve these shams perpetrated in the Kabbalah ceremony of their choice. We at Kung Fu Monkey are proud to make the Defense Against Celebrity Marriage Amendment our first political cause.

Dru is doing a fascinating poetry project with her kids. Note to self: give up on The Dog, have kids.

Alice at Finslippy describes a slight preschool problem in "Let's get physical". I went stupid fangirl on her at BlogHer and I don't regret it one bit.

Anyway. So, okay. My child is apparently sad! And tired! That’s not her fault, is it? That doesn’t mean she hates him? Although when he gets home, he’s whirling about the apartment like they gave him crack! Except, whoops, that couldn’t have happened, because according to his teacher he’s a certified snack-hater.

And finally, the post "Affection" at MightyGirl. It's tiny and wonderful. Read it.

I promised to send this article to Smelt and ae when I met them at BlogHer, but never delivered. Better late than never. By Ross at The Talent Show, a classic piece called "I Am Not My Cock":

Contrary to what many men (even on the left) seem to think, most guys can and do meet women all the time without even once assaulting them. It's really easy. You just, you know, not be a rapist. Most guys, far as I know, don't lose control of themselves when they see even a hint of sideboob. So why in hell do we men feel the need to sympathize with, identify with, or justify the behavior of people who haven't learned the first thing about civilized behavior, or worse, rapists? How can it be so difficult for us to realize that rapists are the lowest form of scum, and that their victims are, in fact, victims?

Res Publica is from San Antonio, which is almost right up the street from here. His blog is called Republic of Dogs, which rocks, and so does his piece "Wherein The Proverbial Truth That There Is Nothing So Crustily Ancient As Claiming That Your Generation Will Change Everything Is Irrefutably Proven, Yet Again". The writing is wicked funny, so make sure you read it, but I'm excerpting below for content instead of style because I've been thinking about these specific issues lately:

Kos, it seems, thinks that political pragmatism consists of advocating whatever policy sounds pretty darn good to folks. I would argue that the better form of political pragmatism, the one that actually represents the larger Pragmatist tradition in American political philosophy, consists of advocating policies that we have good reason to believe will work, and then present our fellow citizens with reasonable arguments to persuade them to support our proposed policies. But I guess I should just save that talk for Old School Activist back at the commune.

[...] while I don’t think anyone is suggesting that everyone has to tow the line on the “‘acceptable’ liberal position”, some of us think that there should at least be such a thing as an identifiable liberal position that is distinguishable from the conservative position not just in degree but in kind.

And we finish up this edition of Saturday morning reading with a focus on Bark/Bite, also homegrown right here in Texas. Robert Arjet claimed at the end of September that work was kicking his ass, but luckily he has continued to blog. You should pretty much go and read everything he's written on his blog right goddamned now, but here is some motivation:

From "Inspiration":

And I'm standing there in my kitchen yelling "You're fucking-A right, you bipartisan son-of-a-bitch!" and I'm feeling, I swear to Jesus-Fucking-Christ-in-Geneva I'm feeling the earth move a little beneath the feet of the Neo-con hawks because a decorated, tortured, POW war-hero Republican is finally standing up and saying that the "desperate times call for desperate measures" emperor has no fucking clothes.

From "Convicts and Inmates":

"Hmm. We also notice that women who do work in this field make substantially less than their male counterparts."

"Well, maybe they just aren't as good as their male counterparts."

"Hmm. We also notice that women who work in this field, and whose work is judged to be good to excellent, tell harrowing tales of constant, deeply-ingrained sexual harassment ranging from subtle hostility towards women to point-blank threats of on-the-job retaliation if sexual favors are not provided."

"Why are you fucking Feminazis always yelling!?!"

From "Hetero Privilege," which is an amazing read about parenting:

It came about like this: he was in a stage where he really liked wearing dresses--all his sisters' old dress-up clothes fit him now, so there are ball gowns and wedding dresses, etc.--and I really wanted to go out and get a cheap dinner at a neighborhood restaurant.

Now, I live in a neighborhood that's still predominantly Hispanic, and I know that a lot of the people have, shall we say, fairly traditional views about gender roles. Views which do not include little boys with long hair wearing ball gowns to the taqueria.

From "It's the Patriarchy, Stupid":

But let's stop for a second and consider that pejorative, "sissy." It comes from "sis" or "sister." That makes sense, then, because it's used to stigmatize boys who do things that their sisters ought to be doing. But what the fuck is up with it being a pejorative? Since when is a synonym for "woman" a fucking pejorative?

Well, since forever, probably. I'm not a linguist, so I can't say that it goes back as far as human culture, but as far as personal anecdote goes, I remember using "pussy" or "woman" as a pejorative from at least seventh grade up until the time feminist critique smacked me upside the head in college.

And finally, from "What the Fuck?!," the only writeup of New Orleans that made me laugh:

WHAT THE FUCK!? What the Jesus-fucking-Christ-on-a-bun-with-a-side-of-fries Fuck?! I am of course speaking of our Federal Government's mind-boggling ineptitude in handling the post-disaster disaster in New Orleans.

I'm jealous of his community college writing students, honestly.

It's supposed to be like cartoons, which happen on Saturday morning. But this morning I've done four loads of laundry, washed The Dog, cleaned the bathtub after washing The Dog, taken a shower after cleaning the bathtub, repotted a Lantana, done the dishes, and gone to the grocery store. So I will pardon myself for not turning on the computer until after noon.

Here are some good bits I saw this week.

We revisit Kung Fu Monkey, partially because I like saying Kung Fu Monkey and partly because "Lunch Discussions #145: The Crazification Factor" is quite entertaining:

You can't cite your enemy's delusional hopes as a basis for a rational strategy. Goals don't exist in a vacuum, they're linked to capability. David Koresh was utterly committed to being Jesus Christ. See how far that got him.

Sepia Mutiny is a group blog I found out about at BlogHer. "O Henry" by Manish is a must-read. Watch for his explanation of how America got its name.

Not just bad at math, he was a poor businessman to boot. You’d think he’d notice they had no jewels, silk or spices. And hello, no turbans? It apparently didn’t occur to him to ask the Arawak what they called themselves. No wonder Rome fell - the Italiano was Mr. Magoo playing with sailboats in a bathtub.

Everyone on the internet has probably seen "DKNY Men's Leather Pants I Unfortunately Own," an EBay ad:

They are size 34×34. I am no longer size 34×34, so even were I to suddenly decide I was a famous gay biker I would not be able to wear these pants. These pants are destined for someone else. For reasons unknown - perhaps to keep my options open, in case I wanted to become a pirate - I have shuffled these unworn pants from house to house, closet to closet.

An important front on the new War on Poverty has opened up at Fafblog. Explanation available in the post "Nothing Says 'I Care' Like A War on Poverty!," though it's so damn funny as a whole that I hate to excerpt:

Thus Giblets will liberate the poor from the Medicaid and food stamp programs which have oppressed for so many years! No longer will they be terrorized by the tyranny of having food! Instead they can experience the heady up-from-the-bootstraps independence of chasing small animals for their own food!

Finally, Greg at The Talent Show has a very quick post called "The Final Straw" that starts like this:

President Bush, the future administration of President Hillary Clinton would like to thank you in advance for your stellar pick of Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court.

Go read it. You know you want to.

Everyone else in the blogosphere has their Friday memes. Unfortunately, Friday is the day of the week when I'm least likely to want to come home and blog. But now that I have to get up at 6:30 am on the weekend, Saturday morning is looking good. Since I never want to be like everyone else, I'm going to use this time each week to share some good writing instead of firing up ITunes to do a day-late Friday Random Ten. That could get embarrassing.

Kung Fu Monkey did an interesting bit this summer on Hollywood's alleged political leanings in "I Wish Hollywood Was That Organized":

I make a living -- a tolerably fine one -- at writing films. I am, one might say, a liberal. Add up all the projects I've worked on in the last five years ... hmm, five have hit the screen, of about twenty. Even I, a very successful working writer, only have a 25% success rate. Damn you, conservative Hollywood!

Lorraine Berry of culturekitchen sends "An Open Letter to the Democratic Leadership":

I think that if this marriage is to be saved, we need to get some serious counseling. You need to understand that just because you're not as bad as that other guy, doesn't make you the perfect partner. Partnerships take work; they take a give and take; a willingness to listen, respond; they take the understanding that each partner has the other's back; a desire to share with each other the burdens and joys of life.

All I ever seem to get from you is empty promises. That, and asking me if I have a few bucks in my wallet to cover you until payday.

Via Global Voices Online, the international blog spotlight project, I found "The official Religious Policeman site", a guided tour of the official Religious Police site for Saudi Arabia by a very funny blogger:

It's a bit of a puzzler, really. What do several replica football shirts, a ladies' handbag with an anchor motif, a T-shirt, and a cushion cover, all have in common? Their really tacky design? Well yes, that's probably true, but it's not the right answer. Still don't see it? Come on people, wake up, work with me on this. The common feature is that they all contain or depict a cross. Yes, even the anchor contains a cross. And the cross is the symbol of Jesus Christ, although we of course call him the Prophet Isa, which really messes up the title if you want to put on that Lloyd-Webber musical over here, just as well we don't have any theatres.

HumanityCritic, who I found out about via the Black Weblog Awards, describes the possible ramifications of "Being the Neighbor of a Television Family":

Now that Mr. Ingalls' daughters are getting older, I think its time for them to ditch those long ass dresses and start wearing some skirts, or something more revealing. When I suggest this to the young women they seemed interested, but when their father got wind of my devilish plan he gathered up a witch hunt and had about 30 people outside my house holding torches.

Digby speaks about how liberals can talk about morality in "Got Morals?":

I think this is an good way for liberals to think about our government and how the world works. And it can even be done in simple, common sense terms that may just resonate with those who wonder what it is we stand for. And aside from the fact that an amoral superpower is a country not worth living in and one that shames all of us who live within it, moral authority leads to material good as well. A great country behaving in an immoral way makes that country weaker, not stronger. Allies mistrust it and are reluctant to join forces. Enemies are emboldened, not cowed, because they see the country behaving in an almost desperate fashion and perceive that it is much weaker than it is. And when leaders of the most powerful country in the world leave the impression that they care nothing for the world's opinion, the world begins to see that country as a potential enemy instead of a friend.

Irregular Times provides an excellent example of hard-hitting journalism in "Massive Depopulation As Married Connecticuters Flee State":

As it became clear that traffic jams of husbands and wives seeking to save their marriages would not clear in time for all to make it across the border before the marriage-destroying law took effect at midnight, some became desperate. "I don't want a divorce! Please, I don't want to take up witchcraft, join a terrorist cell, and practice lesbianism. Someone help us! Does anyone have a can of gas?" cried an unidentified woman at the side of the road as others slowly passed by, avoiding eye contact.

But they don't mention the goldfish... [Note: this is just a link to the piece I posted on Thursday, to test out Movable Type's trackback feature. No need to click. Hey, I SAID don't click on it!]

From Hadashi World: two words

in Bellingham, Washington, if you want to legally snip the ties that bind, you are required to appear as a couple in the courthouse on a Friday, and speak aloud the declaration that your marriage is "irretrievably broken."

My friend the Marquis sent me this piece from Billmon:

It's also hard to picture the delegates in Philadelphia waiting around while the more devout among them ran proposed deals by their church elders to see if they passed religious muster, or fighting a knock-down, drag-out battle over whether the Bible should be cited as "a" primary legal source or "the" primary legal source -- not unless a time machine carried the leaders of the last Justice Sunday rally back 218 years and dropped them off at the corner of Third and Chesnut.

Defective Yeti:

"Powers?" interjected committee Chairman Sen. Arlen Specter. "Batman doesn't even have any powers. So my colleague's implication that Batman is even in the same league as Wolverine is nothing short of wishful thinking, wouldn't you agree, Mr Roberts?"

DruBlood develops a new mantra as the result of a difficult situation:

He became angry at some point and started to yell and scream and tell me he hates me and, you know, the evil 4-year old dance.

And three from SourDuck, whom Grace (especially, but others feel free as well) should read if she isn't already:

• Playing for the same team: Cosmetics, Chemicals and Journalists
• The "No-Makeup Look," Hollywood-style
• How long does it take your race switch to click back to "White"?

If you need to be cheered up, check out Defective Yeti's description of Karl Rove's latest activities. No, really. You'll thank me.

Flea (NOT WORK SAFE) has found a way to involve her children in the cultivation of their new garden:

I have already trained the boys to chase the birds out of the garden. They have adapted to this very well, screaming their scripted line at the top of their lungs, "GIT OFF MAH LAND! GIT OFF MAH LAND!"

It's the very end of each of these pieces from Defective Yeti that made me laugh:

• Research Day: Hebrew, Yiddish, and Semi-Weekly
• My Driver Is A Crafty, Crafty Stalker

C-Man and his friend The Professor call this "The Pantless Grappler."

From The Daily Nexus Online, UC Santa Barbara's Student Newspaper, Police Blotter, November 4 2004:

Two deputies responded to reports of intoxicated subjects fighting at an apartment on the 6500 block of Cervantes Dr. The officers arrived at the residence and observed two men grappling on the floor through the window of the apartment.

As officers watched, the first subject, a 22-year-old man, placed his sparring partner in an "ankle lock," causing the man to scream and "tap out." After the bout ended, the first man, whose friend outweighed him by 60 to 80 pounds, said he could "fuck him up" because of his superior fighting skills.

You'll just to have to read the rest - it gets better and better.

Reading

Pros and Cons of John Kerry's Top Twenty Vice-Presidential Candidates at McSweeney's

followed by

Vice City at Defective Yeti

is still satisfying.