The title of this post is an actual subject line from a spam email I received this morning.
I've always thought people had to be awfully naive to fall for spam email. If anyone clicks on this spam, which basically says "Hey, how would you like a denial of service attack on your site 15 minutes from now?", I rest my case.
It didn't fool me for even half a second, but what a great alias. Thanks for the laugh.
Love,
The Princess
An email from "Bimbo Burlingame" is not going to make me click on it just to see what it says. I'm just not that bored.
Spammers,
You probably already know that I hate you for filling up my mailbox and the junk comment traps on my blogs. But aside from the massive time-suck of cleaning up that mess, I have another, more specific reason to hate you.
You have given me something in common with the Religious Right.
I know, it sounds like a wild accusation. How much can a Democrat-voting, tofu-eating, Equality Texas-donating, and a-bunch-of-other- liberal-stuff-I-can't- think-of-right-now- because-I'm-such-a- liberal-that-it-just- seems-normal-to-me-doing Austinite possibly have in common with the Religious Right?
WE BOTH HATE LOOKING AT YOUR NASTY PORN SPAM EVERY DAY AND WE THINK YOU'RE EVIL!
It's just pitiful, really. Get a job.
With all due respect, and I really mean that,
The Princess
Has anyone else received the following spam missive?
Call out Gouranga be happy
Gouranga Gouranga Gouranga
That which brings the highest happiness!
If so, have you tried it? Results?
...but I don't see how receiving email with the subject line "I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice" would put me in a receptive frame of mind for a sales pitch.
Really, he did. Or she. Is Homework a boy's name or a girl's name?
Dear The Spammers,
Who is Kimberly Mortensen, and why do I need to validate her? I'm not interested in opening these emails and seeing a bunch of ads, so if she needs something, she'll have to write to me directly.
Thanks,
The Princess
I am currently receiving a ridiculous amount of spam, but very little of it is interesting. However, I have persevered in finding you the gems:
The following individuals also deserve recognition for their efforts in filling my inbox so I don't get lonely:
How many times do I have to mark "The Ultimate Online Pharmaceutical" as spam before Yahoo and Thunderbird stop letting it into my inbox?
They thought they could get me! But the crazy subject lines gave them away!
I also received email from Heckler F. Apocrypha and Earnest Arias. I have to admit, those almost got me! It was touch and go for a minute there!
I say "OK! I'll knock that right off."
Shouldn't be too difficult, really.
Actually, as far as I can tell, there's just one. It's in Tennessee. Perhaps you should use Google before sending me email!
[Update, around lunchtime: When people see this in RSS, can they see that this post is in the category Spambot Love? Otherwise, it might not make sense.]
[Update, around snack time: Updated the subject line to more clearly communicate.]
He's a generous one.
don't miss - in 1898 Buffy the Vampire Slayer Black History Month Miss in court? News
Obviously it's a new series in works...
Getting three copies of your message makes me suspicious.
I'm just sayin'.
That's what I want. If you think you're bank enough for my mortgage business, prove it with a sword.
I'm very disappointed.
These are the only interesting subject lines out of hundreds of spam emails. It's like they're not even trying! How am I going to get a low-rate mortgage if this is all the inspiration they can provide?
My recent love from spambots has come in three flavors.
Pynchon Tributes:
New Products:
Conspiracy Theories:
Also:
(Brought to you by the wonders of capitalism combined with human gullibility.)
I'm going to give my blog an ever-changing subtitle featuring my favorite bits of spam glossolalia.
This is first: cityscape malabar pushpin.
It's as magic as the fireflies in my neighborhood - little bits of strange beauty that just appear, suddenly, right in the middle of the drab and normal and boring. Like the universe loves me enough to give me pretty things, but only as a surprise.
In a similarly worded vein, I have it on good authority that seraphim proudleduck is the new nigritude ultramarine.
When I was in college at Macalester in St. Paul, we had a game of stringing nouns together to make the funniest combinations we could. A woman named Sigrid won with "rolling aardvark heresy." Rolling, of course, is an adjective, but you see my point.
This spam subject line doesn't beat that - but it tries awfully hard:
methodic bookseller iberia campfire
I was going to shut down my spam-ridden Yahoo account and make a new one, but I'm loath to cut myself off from such entertainment.
Subj: The "Words" we speak, think, and learn to spell are the only Solution to...EVIL.
Date: 9/2/2004
From: GovCriteria777
--------------------------------------------------------
Who will save the Children? Please re-read
Proverbs 1:1-7 today.
--------------------------------------------------------
Forwarded Message:
Subj: The "Words" we speak, think, and learn to spell are the only Solution
to...Evil.
Date: 9/2/2004
From: GovCriteria777
--------------------------------------------------------
Subj: Re: *Crime Stoppers Int'l Notice of 7/20/2004 to Cease &Desist
Date:8/30/2004
To:GovCriteria777@cs.com
"The 'WORD' is very near unto you, in your mouth (to speak), and in your heart
(Thoughts), that You may "DO IT." (See Deu 30:14-20)
Continue reading "What I Sometimes Get In My Work Email..." »
Spam doesn't get much better than this...
USE "THE ANTIDOTE" TO PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST ALL known deadly Viruses & Bacteria in the body that keep diseases, namely: Influenza, SARS, Cancer, HIV etc. etc. active.
Organizations as vried as the ABC News Online, BBC News, Animal Planet.com, Blue Sky, Wildlife-Film.com, DavidIreland.com, EXN.ca, BBC News, Nova Online, Rense.com, RIRDC.gov, McNeese State Univeristy, BBC Nature News, Islam Online, and reputable doctors have all given testimonials praising the power of the Antidote.
This quote from BBC Director-General Greg Dyke describes the manner in which a unique anti-microbial peptide was discovered: "Tonight I can reveal that Living Proof, our science documentary on BBC ONE, has done something very unusual: they've actually helped find and isolate a protein which kills resistant bacteria and which could form the basis of a new antibiotic."
[snip]
No thanks. I do not want to be cured of all deadly disease remove me from mailing
If Animal Planet.com says it's true, what am I waiting for?
Do they know I've started playing Scrabble or something?
cell bridge combatant subterranean shakespearean chen fullback
hall main sachs chilblain orwellian densitometer hadrian caricatureumbra lank cinnamon quo slither insuperable wilderness woodcock
chateaux assure miocene roadster annulled potentate embouchure bishop acoustic republic
antiquary eccentric bulky moonlit pulmonary add copenhagen margaret hastings smithsonian lamarck exempt
wed alpert aviatrix efficient decommission coffeepot apices
diverge cent regulate ervin bullish northeastern mulct dissipate wilkins trillionth dolores vladivostok affix cramp sunrise barton
It was a graphic advertising home mortgage refinancing or something, but at the end it had the following text:
rainstorm sourberry burley riggs
brushwork raffish bookish hornbeam fillip swigging amity mendacity
mushy chromatography grizzle schoolteacher defer davit
eggshell krakatoa colette
diacritical casework clothesbrush dilatation pauline trumpet algenib indecisive
Rolling aardvark heresy, indeed!
Impotency is an embarressing issue - Buy Online
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