Flooded Lizard Kingdom

C-Man waited until AFTER I broke down and decided to go with MK for the baby's nom de blog to say this while eating breakfast:

Why don't you call him Boy Detective?

Since MK is pretty much getting into everything he can reach to find out what it is, this seems appropriate. So, name change.

I have finally found out that there actually is a limit to how much I want to hear myself talk.

• I am trying to eat and my feet won't stop wiggling and they are DISTRACTING ME.
• I am trying to eat and my hand won't stop rubbing my eye and it is DISTRACTING ME.
• I was eating but then I stopped eating but I WANT TO EAT.
• I don't want to eat WOMAN STOP TRYING TO FEED ME.

I just caught the baby staring at the Bernina with a huge grin on his face.

Our good friend SBW has been working to ensure that baby's first word is "quilt," with "craft" as a backup. Perhaps it's working?

Normally I try to avoid mentioning my boobs on my blog. I'm making an exception today. If this makes you uncomfortable, please step away from your monitor.

I woke up at 2:00 a.m. because my left breast hurt. A lot. I thought it was just a really, really big backlog of milk because the baby had been asleep since 8:30 and my body is used to him waking up to nurse more than that. I fell back asleep, and woke up again at 3:00 when he started crying. And I started crying, because I was in even more pain. In fact, I woke C-Man up and had him get the baby out of his crib and put him in my lap in the rocking chair because I didn't think I could do it.

At that point, I still thought we had a supply and demand issue. The baby finished nursing and went back to sleep, and I was still in pain.

Then I started to shake uncontrollably.

Then I threw up. And threw up again. And threw up again. And threw up again.

Then my temperature went up to 104.

Then I took some acetominophen and it didn't come down. Then I sat in a cold bath for at least half an hour and it came down to 101.

Then my head started to pound in a way that made me wonder whether dying might not be preferable.

At this point, I had figured out that a little extra milk was not the culprit. And as it turns out, I have a breast infection. C-Man stayed home today, but his boss is in Japan so he really needs to go back tomorrow and I will be here with baby all day. My sister says the antibiotics will make me feel better in 24 hours, which is about 11:00 a.m. tomorrow. I'm no longer throwing up, shaking, or wishing for death due to headache.

But I am really, really tired.

And I have to say, sending C-Man for a vasectomy is sounding better and better.

C-Man: Did you know that the shoulder joint is held together by your bicep?
The Princess: Huh?
C-Man: (insert long technical explanation here)
The Princess: I know nothing about the human body, so I did not know that.
C-Man: (more technical information)
The Princess: Wait, I lied. I know enough about the human body to sing "Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes" and point to the right parts at the right times.

Of course, later that day I held up my hands to do "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and started singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" instead, so reliability is low.

I think Mom's already been baptized.

If the baby slept last night from 7:30-8 in my lap, then 8-3 in his crib, and I went to bed at 8 but didn't fall asleep until 8:45, then woke up at 11:45, then woke up before the baby did at 3, then couldn't get back to sleep until after 4:30, then woke up between 6 and 6:30 even though the baby was asleep until 7...

...then many years is it before I get to take Lunesta again?

Two of my favorite clueless parenting tips:

Before the baby comes, get the pet used to a regular schedule that you believe is realistic and that will be kept when the infant is present.

Because before the baby came, I knew EXACTLY how it would be around here. Oh yes.

Feeding: The now-predictable schedule makes normal life possible again for new parents. No longer does the baby need to choose his own feeding times. He can be awakened in the morning to fit the family schedule. [...] The last feeding can be set by parents just before their own bedtime.

This myth is for a four month old baby. Elsewhere in the text, it says that last feeding would be at 10:30 p.m. So I'm supposed to STAY UP UNTIL 10:30 (hardly possible anymore) and then WAKE UP THE SLEEPING BABY to feed him. Then he will sleep until I wake him up. And he won't get hungry until the clock magically hits a certain number, even though he can't read.

This is why I hardly read parenting books anymore, especially if they are by "experts." The Babycenter book is way better because it discusses what actually happens with babies. Much more relevant than some expert's utopian vision.

Yet another overheard conversation between the baby and his dad:

C-Man: My son, what is it? What's wrong?
Baby: I'm mad that I only have two feet with which to kick you in the nuts!

Things that are good to have...

At least 2 "Boppy" pillows. If a messy diaper leaks on a pillow, just washing the cover won't be enough. If you make the mistake of taking off the cover after an Incident, you will figure that out pretty quickly. The only thing the cover is good for is protecting the pillow from pumpkin cheesecake. Anything else, just leave the cover on and throw the whole thing in the washer.

Several ice packs in the freezer. Even if you went home feeling 100% fine, you will manage to do something to your neck, arms, and/or back when you are suddenly carrying the baby around and feeding him/her all the time. It really sucks to need an ice pack and the only one you have didn't make it back into the freezer after last time you used it. Or the last time your partner used it. Not that I'm bitter.

If you're breastfeeding, a list of books you want to get or have someone bring you from the library. You're going to be spending a LOT of time doing this, and with a Boppy, you'll often have both arms free to turn pages. Especially good when the baby falls asleep nursing and you're too tired to get up but you're also bored. (However, don't tell anyone about this - the boredom, the reading. There are people who are scandalized if you do anything other than stare blissfully at your nursing infant for hours. They are crazy.)

10 outfits for the baby in the current size at any given time, or even fewer. You're going to be washing the changing table cover, the blankets, the bassinet/crib sheets, your clothes, etc. so often that you can really just throw in the baby's clothes.

Baby mittens. Seriously. You can be as good as you want about trimming their nails, but those suckers are SHARP. Ow. One handful of your arm and a good squeeze, you will think you're a pincushion. When baby is really mad and grabbing everything, get mittens on those hands. Socks can also work but it looks funny.

It really does help your mood if the outfits and blankets, etc. are cute. They don't ALL have to be cute, but the majority of them need to be. It's more cheerful when you're crying from exhaustion at 2:30 a.m.

A (few) case(s) of Clif bars, Luna bars, whatever you prefer. They taste better than prenatal vitamins and when you're hungry at 2:30 from all the energy you just expended crying, you will need a snack.

Other advice...

Take lots of pictures, they grow REALLY fast. If your camera has a feature where it will take multiple shots in a row quickly, this is the best thing if you have a wiggly baby. If your camera takes movies with audio, use it. The sounds they make change so quickly, and it's making me crazy that I can't remember what our baby sounded like when he was first born. You know, back when his dad would actually wake up when the baby made noise in the middle of the night...

The sizing on kids clothes is just as wack as women's clothes. Some things labeled 6 months are the same size as the 0-3 month stuff our kid grew out of at 2 months. If there's something special you want to make sure the baby wears (to take a photo for the relative who got it for you?), compare it to his current clothes regularly to make sure you don't miss your opportunity.

If a baby hates diaper changes, warm wipes probably won't make diaper change time any happier.

When you realize the baby has grown out of a particular size of diaper, make sure you take all of those out of the diaper bag before the next time you go out. Especially if you don't go out often.

Cold air humidifiers work great unless it's cold in the room. Then they just drench your carpet.

Annoying but true, DON'T BUY TONS OF bottles, pacifiers, or diapers until you've tried them and know which ones you and the baby prefer. There have been diapers we hated (coughHuggiescough), and our baby strongly prefers Avent pacifiers to Gerber. Gerber gets the "talk to the hand" routine in this house.

I wrote this up for two friends who were expecting babies after me. Then I thought "Hey, it's so much easier to keep track of things I write if they're in my blog." It's a little rough, and YMMV, but here it is.

At the hospital (in my case, Seton on 38th in Austin)...

Start keeping track immediately of the medication you receive AND the breastfeeding attempts you make (if applicable) once the baby is born. You will be quizzed about this incessantly and it's easier to answer from a paper log than from your brain, because your brain will not be working. In fact, you might want to wear a name tag so you have a reference for that, too. The print on the wristband is awfully small.

When someone shows you a breastfeeding position (again, if applicable) that seems to really work for you, consider taking several photographs of how you, the baby, and the pillows are arranged. It can be really hard to remember later. However, keep in mind that you don't have a hospital bed at home. Also, warn your mother that you did it for educational purposes before downloading the photographs in front of her.

Plan to ask for pain medication slightly before you need it, if you can anticipate, and in advance of shift change. Shift change seemed to disrupt everything for about 2 hours each time at my hospital. When you haven't had any Percocet for six hours, that's an issue.

Ask what time meals are served, and make sure you have a helper watching the hallway. If you miss a meal (room changes seemed to cause this for me), ask them to order you a tray. You're entitled to those grilled cheese sandwiches from the cafeteria, and they're not going to credit your bill if you don't get them. Also, once you have the baby, you can eat full-sized meals again. Several at one time, actually. So enjoy it.

The nurses may contradict each other. Perhaps they went to different schools of nursing, perhaps they're just messing with your head. The hospital pharmacist may also contradict the doctor. Vehemently. To your partner, who tried to be helpful by picking up your meds, but who is completely shellshocked. Write down the instructions you receive from whoever you consider to be the authority and treasure them.

If you have anything non-baby related wrong with you, persistence may be required to get any help with that. Medical professionals like to stay within their specialties. So if you have, hypothetically, a pinched nerve in your neck sustained during delivery, the people in charge of moms and babies may develop a glazed look if you try to explain how much pain you are in and how you would really like some assistance in reducing that pain. Or if, again hypothetically, your ears are so congested that when the baby starts crying, you stop being able to hear anything.

Even if you think the camera battery is charged, bring the charger. (OK, this one was probably in the books but I blew it off.) When your partner's work sends the Biggest Flower Arrangement Ever Oh Wow, you'll want to get a picture. Or you could even take pictures of the baby. It's up to you.

C-Man: Those are some awfully jumpy legs you've got there, son.
Baby: Southside Jumpylegs Crew! Southside Jumpylegs Crew 4-ever!

C-Man: Don't you wish you were doing some calculus homework right now?
Baby: I laugh at calculus homework, give me some diffy q's! I'll knock 'em down!

C-Man: How can a 14 pound baby have a five pound diaper?
Baby: Dad, you've seen Doctor Who! It's like the Tardis!

• Amy's Ice Cream (flavors: pumpkin and sweet cream)
• Brown rice
• Parmesan cheese (in his ear, required his dad to use the plastic bulb thing to suck it out - can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to take the baby to the doctor for an ear infection because you dropped cheese in his ear?)
• Whole wheat capellini
• Sauteed tofu with a bit of mushroom
• Vanilla low-fat yogurt
• Fresh spinach
• Macaroni and cheese
• Ice water (not really a food, I guess)

• 11:00 p.m.
• 1:00 a.m.
• 3:00 a.m.
• 5:00 a.m.
• 6:00 a.m.

Alternate Titles for This Post:

• Why This Post Isn't More Interesting
• Post-Nasal Drip Really Sucks, and If You Don't Believe Me, Ask My Baby
• Props to All The Single Parents Out There, Because Without The Shower I Took This Morning While C-Man Took Baby-Monitoring Duty, I Think I Would Be Dead Now

1. Repeatedly smashing his head into my shoulder and collarbone.
2. Latching on to C-Man's arm and giving him a hickey.

So... I had a baby last Tuesday. On September the 11th, at 4:04 p.m. I'm quite tired. At night, when I'm propped up in the rocking chair feeding him, I have composed many witty blog posts to announce this event here on Flooded Lizard Kingdom. Unfortunately, then he goes back to sleep and I do too and I forget everything I came up with. So this will have to do for now.

Pictures are being maintained elsewhere. If you haven't been informed of where but you would like to pop over and see him, just comment here or email me. As long as you don't sign it "internet stalker" I will send you the link.

We have definitely struggled with possible names for the baby, since we want to find something interesting but not freakish.

Somehow, I don't think I will be turning to the following site for inspiration:

Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing: A Primer on Parent Cruelty

Don't click on it unless you have lots of free time, because it's a slow motion train wreck and you could be there forever.

Stop talking to me. I know my obvious pregnancy makes you curious, but please remember that there is only so much polite socializing I can do in one day with people I don't know. Y'all are maxing me out with your inquiries about my due date. Especially if you are going to start your question with "I know you're probably sick of answering this question..."

Thanks ever so,
The Princess, a.k.a. the introverted and extremely fatigued pregnant woman who is in some kind of pain most of her waking hours and consequently not in the best mood for chat

If I don't get any oxygen, you don't either. Think about that the next time you decide to spend 20 minutes kicking my lungs.

Thanks,
Your Mom

My sister's latest advice:

Feel free to go with generic diapers (if you're doing the disposable thing).

Stay away from generic wipes

You can make your own wipes. The only challenging part is cutting apart the paper towel roll. D. used a table saw.

Table saw?

• Forgetfulness
• Desire for cake
• Powerful nap impulse between 1pm and 5pm
• New cowlick in my hair
• Knocking over a can of blue paint on the beige carpet in my home office

A co-worker just gave me a box of diapers that they didn't use before his kid outgrew them. The box touts the "baby-shaped fit."

Babycenter.com has run out of patience for telling us what size the baby is.

• Week 17 = large onion
• Week 18 = large sweet potato
• Week 19 = small zucchini
• Week 20 = Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. She's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom, and about 10 inches from head to heel. (For the first 20 weeks, we use measurements taken from the top of the baby's head to her bottom — known as the "crown to rump" measurement. After that, we use measurements from head to toe. This is because a baby's legs are curled up against her torso during the first half of pregnancy and are very hard to measure.)

I'm sorry, this does not work for me. First the lazy use of adjectives, as if they couldn't be bothered to find an item of produce the correct size. Then, they change the rules, and they still offer no comparison.

It's not like they're actually measuring our damn baby every week. What gives with the sloth?

I'm still waiting for that fabled second trimester shift when you don't feel like hell all the time.

Dear The Universe,

I propose a deal.

I will not at all resent being this tired. Really. Not even a little. Even though I am almost as tired as I was during my worst insomnia, I won't be mad. I won't even complain.

In return, I ask that you make my stomach completely calm. You know, like it was before January 29th. You're over halfway there, so it shouldn't be too hard.

Please consider this arrangement. I feel it would benefit us both.

Thanks,
The Princess

BabyCenter.com has decided to resume giving us a reference point. The baby is the size of an avocado this week.

Remember the emails that tell me how big the baby is? Let me pick up where we left off.

• Week 13 = jumbo shrimp
• Week 14 = lemon
• Week 15...NO COMPARISON.

So is there any food that's 4 inches long and weighs about 2 1/2 ounces? How am I supposed to visualize without a point of reference? And why discontinue the food references now that I'm moving out of the first trimester, which is the one associated with nausea? It makes no sense.

(If you're going to answer that first, mostly rhetorical question, please keep it clean. If you're gross, I will nuke your comment and put you on probation.)

Every week BabyCenter.com sends me an email telling me all about the baby's alleged state of development this week. It's my fault. I asked them to. I had no idea I would be wretchedly ill for 6 weeks (and counting) and consequently not care one whit about any information related to pregnancy or children. Contemplating the precious miracle of life sucks when you can't even wash your own hair.

The only part I pay attention to (since the advice on nutrition and fitness just makes me want to shake them) is the size they say the baby should be each week. They give you a measurement, and they also give you a comparison.

What the baby has been compared to so far:

• Week 6 = lentil pea
• Week 7 = raspberry
• Week 8 = kidney bean
• Week 9 = grape
• Week 10 = kumquat
• Week 11 = fig
• Week 12 = lime

My questions:

• Isn't a kidney bean smaller than a raspberry?
• Who the hell knows how big a kumquat is, anyway?

I'm just asking.

• Purvis
• Zero
• Takeshi
• Charo
• Chablis
• Santana
• Orji
• Mungo
• Narcissus
• Tequila
• Lafayette
• Kleng

See how helpful baby name books are?

And just for the record, though they were not in the book, we have also eliminated Cujo, Ajax, Kojak, Meta, and Spanky McSpankpants.

I'm trying to convince myself that having my life totaled by nausea will be worth it eventually. Thanks goodness for the blogosphere. Apparently children are great sources of information on all kinds of topics:

• where trains go
• science, religion, and art
• naming babies
• what Democrats believe
• the importance of control
• clothing (scroll to the end)
• reasons to go to college

So that's something to look forward to, I guess.

A few weeks ago, I was thinking to myself about how fast time seems to fly by. If only I had a way to slow down time, surely I could get some of the projects done that I'm always thinking I will get done before X, where X = the end of the year, the end of the summer, BlogHer, the beginning of session, or any other random time landmark.

Then I figured it out. I would get pregnant, and the all-day every day nausea would make time creep by!

Unfortunately, the nausea also means that it takes all of my resources simply to go to work, come home, and wash my hair 1/3 as often as I need to. No projects for me.

You see how I didn't think this through very well.

p.s. To those of you who feel you should have found this out by phone and not on the blog, you're right, and I apologize. I've spent as much time calling people as I possibly can for right now. It's not that I don't love you, honest. It's just that I feel like crawling into a hole and dying right now.

Toys:

• Veggies
• Kids Stuff at Branch
• Peace Baby Block Set
• Little Rollie Animals
• Baby Buddy Toy

Mentioned in this post on MightyGirl:

• Punk Rock Baby
• Scratch Mittens

Advice from Badgermama:

• When Your Kid's in the Hospital

Some posts from Peter's Cross Station:

• My Daughter, the Kiwi
• Many Things
• Books for Kids on African American History and Culture

Book review on Whipup:

• Book review: The I’m So Bored Doodle Notebook

Money

• How to Make Your Child a Millionaire

Sepia Mutiny's abhi did a post a while back on children being taken to political protests:

I feel that taking a child to certain types of protests is like giving a child a gun without teaching them proper gun safety. I believe it is more important to properly educate a child in all aspects of an issue and encourage them to investigate it on their own, rather than take them along to mindlessly protest something. I think it is VERY important to teach a child about the realities and injustices in the world and when to stand up for a principle, but I often see images in the media that hint at the fact that the children holding signs are mostly a form of propaganda.

I've been thinking about that for a while.

If a child decides on an issue they want to pursue, I think they have every right to participate in a (safe, non-violent) protest. Children do have minds of their own. Heck, Katie Allison Granju had to deal with her son declaring for Bob Dole at age 5. Valinda Bolton (subliminal message: vote for her if you're in TX HD 47) tore up her parents' Goldwater sign when she was five.

But like abhi, I have mixed feelings about parents taking their kids to protests without explaining both sides of the issue as objectively as they can and then asking if the child wants to participate. Even if you think the child is being hurt by the government's action/inaction on the issue and thus should be there to show the government the real face of the people affected, who can say the child would agree with your proposed solution? One of the most conservative people I know was raised by liberals. He fundamentally disagrees with them on how to solve society's problems, or even what the problems are. I was raised by an extremely conservative father, with a similar dynamic.

At the same time, I want to pass along my values to my children, as do most parents. Fair play, tolerance, kindness, generosity, and participation are among these. Taking a child to a protest or rally supporting rights for GLBT families would be a way of teaching them about those values.

My guess is that I will do my best to choose the language "I believe" when discussing issues, rather than give into the temptation of using my parental authority - even when down to the bottom of my soul, I know I am right. If the cause is just, it should stand on its own merits.

This story by Jeanne D'Arc about her daughter's political evolution is also worth reading...

When C-Man and I visited New York recently, I was delighted to discover that his friend R's wife J is also a fan of the Social Security Administration popular baby name list. I have been checking it ever so often in the past few years, watching in horror as the name Emma became popular because that means I will NEVER be able to name my (potential) daughter Emma.

While I am not aiming to give my (potential) children a name as freakish as mine, I do not want them to have the same name as four other people in their class and then write a song about how they went to school with 27 Jennifers, 16 Jenns, and 10 Jennies. (Confidential to Mike Doughty: "seeking for" is wrong, and as much as I love you it will always bug me.)

Suebob also discovered this list and took a few cracks at several of the names she discovered. Commenters chimed in, expressing their concerns about (among other things) creative spelling. I have to say, this is a major pet peeve of mine, but I wonder how well-founded it is. Is there a "right" way to spell a name? I have a friend with a fairly normal sounding name, but her parents added an extra n. Apparently they were not very well educated and also bad at spelling. Should they be mocked? How many of the "creative" spellings are the result of situations like that? Or of "rules" for names being completely different than in white middle-class culture?

And how did names start, anyway? Names have changed over time, moving from one gender to another (Leslie) and either gaining or losing popularity. Who's to say that spellings that look freaky to us today won't look perfectly normal in 50 years?

I do have to pick on one of the commenters to Suebob's post, though:

I hate the creative spellings, and I honestly can't stand any girl's name that starts with "Mc" or "Mac". Do they not realize that Mac means "son of" in the Irish language?

(snark) And if we lived in Ireland and spoke Irish, that would matter. (/snark)

I don't really get the interest in the "meaning" of names, anyway. It means something by virtue of being derived from a root word in a particular language. If you don't speak that language, then why do you care? It's like Feng Shui. Red is considered a good color because it means something in Chinese culture. If it doesn't mean that to you, then what's the big deal? Unless you live in an area where a bunch of people speak a particular language and your child's name means something rude in that language. Then you need to care.

And just so you know, R. declared that our best course was to name our future son Thor and our daughter Kojak. He's so fired.