Recently in Science Fiction, Movies, and TV Category

The Princess: I just cannot wait to see the new G.I. Joe movie.

C-Man: That's because it's going to be made of awesome. Who wouldn't want to see this movie?

The Princess: Maybe if your parents were killed by ninjas. But then you would have become a ninja yourself, because that's the only way to avenge them.

C-Man: But if your parents were killed by ninjas, you would want to see ninjas getting chopped up!

The Princess: You are SO RIGHT!

This:

and this:

are two ways to tell the same story.

Okay so you know how I wrote that big post on whether I should try to outguess Netflix so it would give me better recommendations, and in that post I said this:

There is definitely a tone-deaf aspect to the way Netflix classifies movies. "Foreign" is one of the worst category offenders. There's a vibe of "if you liked Amelie, you'll like The Hidden Fortress."

So what does Netflix have for me now?

Based on how much I liked Eddie Izzard: Glorious (liberal standup by a transvestite Brit) and Throne of Blood (1957 Japanese masterpiece based on Macbeth), I will apparently like...

Long Way Round: A sort of The Motorcycle Diaries for the Hollywood set, this documentary miniseries chronicles the cross-continental adventures of actors Ewan McGregor and Charley Boorman as they set out on their BMW bikes to travel round the world. Embarking from London and arriving 115 exhausting days later in New York, the duo tackles 20,000 miles of tough terrain, explores offbeat destinations and takes in colorful local culture.

Seriously, quoi? Why, because they're all not from around these parts?

In addition to trying to get my act together generally and accomplish Actual Life Tasks, I have also spent an embarrassing amount of time in the past couple of weeks on Netflix.com and IMDB.com. My pretense is that this is all research since Grace and I have started posting on Heroine Content again, but in reality it's just because it's cold and dark at night and I am easily addicted to rating things and making virtual lists. It's like shopping without spending.

I only started taking Netflix's recommendations seriously when Grace shared her Heroine Content queue with me and I was jealous of how interesting it was. Mine is composed of basically stuff I have already heard of, whereas she has added a ton of stuff to her queue that Netflix suggested to her either based on her ratings or on the "more like this" feature. So while she writes reviews of documentaries about women who box, I watch Catwoman. The Halle Berry one. This hardly seems fair.

Netflix is very keen to have you rate films, and I have humored them over 1,150 times now. I'm still a little unclear on whether I'm doing it right, though. Netflix's best guess on how I would rate Aliens was 3.3 stars out of 5.

I find this troubling.

Part of me wants to not think too much, kind of like when I took the SATs. I hated Catwoman, so I should rate it "hated it." I'm not interested in seeing Charlie's Angels 2 (especially if I already did and can't remember), so I should click "not interested." Right? The question becomes, do they know why I don't like it? Are they really going to look at my high ratings for Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life and Tank Girl and say "oh, well then, we'll show her recommendations for action films with female leads that don't suck?" Their prediction of my vote on Aliens says maybe not. "Not Interested means you aren't interested in this movie and movies like it," they say, so how do I indicate that it can stop recommending Charlie's Angels 2 because it sucks, but actually I am interested in movies like it, if by "like it" you mean action films with three female protagonists?

There is definitely a tone-deaf aspect to the way Netflix classifies movies. "Foreign" is one of the worst category offenders. There's a vibe of "if you liked Amelie, you'll like The Hidden Fortress." Maybe that's statistically true. Maybe they really can look at patterns within their bajillions of users and see that even though Amelie and The Hidden Fortress have nothing in common but subtitles, generally people who like one have a good chance of liking the other. Maybe they can pick up on the fact that I like Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life and Tank Girl for totally different reasons than a guy who rated both of those highly because of the cleavage.

(Heaven forbid I start allowing C-Man to rate anything, or I'll be deluged with anime suggestions.)

Then again, this is all based on the theory that I'm going to miss something good if they don't get it right. With 293 items in my queue and only a handful of them belonging to C-Man, it's not like I'm going to run out anytime soon, but quantity and quality are two different things.

Yes, I realize that in the time I spent writing this post, I could have contributed something meaningful to the world. Some thoughts must be let out of my head and organized, though, or they will NOT leave me ALONE.

The Princess: Are the very first X-Men comics super cheesy?

C-Man: No, it's really good. I mean, the art style is a little old, but it still has all the themes of alienation and persecution, having powers but still having human struggles, all those interesting themes.

The Princess: Oh.

C-Man: What is it that you like about the X-Men?

The Princess: They have REALLY COOL POWERS!

I was all set to write a post today about turning 35 today and what I've accomplished in my life thus far blah blah blah. Lucky for you, since my deep and meaningful posts are usually fucking boring, I had a dream last night.

I know, posts where people share their dreams are also usually fucking boring too, but bear with me here. It's a very short dream.

There was a zombie outbreak here in my hometown of Austin, Texas. I managed to make it to Camp Mabry, our local military base, because I figured it would be well prepared for such a thing. Indeed, the place was surrounded with extremely tall chain link fencing. Unfortunately, instead of having military people with flamethrowers patrolling the perimeter to burn the zombies if they came near the fence, there were VOLUNTEERS in matching red t-shirts letting the zombies climb OVER the fence, then killing them with shovels and pitchforks.

This is not reassuring! Since when are civilians with no training and agricultural tools our best defense against highly contagious undead?

It's like the one video game I've ever played. I was penalized for shooting civilians who were being grabbed by zombies. Um, hello, if they're that close, you can pretty much assume they're going to eat your brain in about ten minutes. This is not bad aim on my part, it's a public health measure.

And that, I said to my husband while he was trying to get dressed for work so he can pay our mortgage, is why I should be in charge. Obviously no one else can be trusted.

He laughed. I'm still not quite clear why.

Planetary is my favorite kind of comic. It combines superheroes, spaceships, magic, and grand conspiracies, and what's not to love about that? Planetary fills the gaping hole in my heart left when The Invisibles ended. For that, its creators have my undying gratitude.

The lead female character in Planetary, Jakita Wagner, is just about my favorite comics heroine. Superhuman strength and speed? Check. Takes care of herself just fine? Check. Skintight suit that shows her cleavage? Ah well, far be it from me to suggest that we disregard the conventions of an art form, right?

My quibbles with her outfit aside, I love Jakita for one big thing.

She's a member of an elite team of field agents called archaeologists of the unknown. It's a dangerous role that requires brains and the ability to kick ass. Why did she pursue such a career path?

Because she gets bored easily.

I am so tired of female characters written by people who feel like women need a REASON to rock the world of action. Avenging a rape, protecting a child, whatever. Yes, men get this storyline too, but they also get a lot of other reasons - because they're strong, because it's fun, because it's their job, or no reason at all.

Jakita Wagner kicks ass because it's fun.

I like that in a woman.

In college and for a few years thereafter, I listened to Ani DiFranco. A lot. Call me a stereotypical liberal arts college student, but DiFranco's music was the soundtrack to my life. When I finally started to grow up, though, I found I didn't need such a dramatic and turbulent soundtrack. It didn't ring true anymore. In fact, I developed a slight aversion to hearing it, since it brought back some rather annoying memories of my own histrionics.

I sold my albums, deleted the album copies from my computer, and moved on.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer doesn't yet annoy me, but I'm finding that like DiFranco, it no longer rings true to me. It's not a story that touches me anymore. It's something that a former version of me was connected to, like a shirt I wore in high school that is familiar, but I would never grab it out of the closet and actually wear it.

When C-Man and I got together, I embarked on an ambitious plan to socialize him in all of the television shows I grew up with - and by grew up, I don't mean the shows of my childhood. I mean the shows that got me through the transition between adolescence and adulthood: Buffy, Babylon 5, Farscape, Space: Above and Beyond, Millennium. I wanted him to get caught up on where I was coming from. Buffy should have been the key, it was the most charged with emotion.

We haven't finished it.

And I'm just not motivated to make sure we do.

Part of my disconnection from Buffy is undoubtedly the lightening process I've been going through lately, where I'm keeping the things that mean something to me here and now - not just as an echo of the past. Part of it also springs from my deep disappointment with later seasons. Knowing that it's all going to go badly downhill sucks the joy and hope out of rewatching the early days. When I watch Buffy, I remember that it used to mean something to me. I remember the almost visceral pain, the emotional shocks, the tears, the anxiety, the delight, and the soaring feelings of triumph that I felt as the characters went through their lives. I don't feel it any more, though.

I have confidence that if I ever want a blast from the past, Netflix or something similar will be able to hook me up. But I don't need Buffy around as a safety blanket anymore, connecting me to a past self that I've outgrown.

So the DVDs are on their way out the door.

Bye bye, Buffy. Thanks for everything you did for me.

The Princess: I don't know that I would let him lie right there where the dog is going to kick.
C-Man: (trying to move baby) But apparently he would.
The Princess: That's because he doesn't think about the future very well.
Boy Detective: I think about Skynet ALL THE TIME!

1. Home Fries (1998): Advertised as a light romantic comedy with Drew Barrymore, turned out to be a vicious black "comedy" full of people being awful to each other.
2. Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas (1998): Why did I think that a movie about people being on drugs would be entertaining for me, even though I find drunk and drugged people quite annoying in real life?
3. Secret Window (2004): You know I love me some Johnny Depp, so it's odd that two of his movies are on this list, but I actually put down my popcorn and walked out of this one... and all the way home, since at that time my apartment was walking distance from the theater. I don't know how to be more specific about why I disliked the movie, but it was like nails on a chalkboard.